Is It Ever Okay to Tell Someone They’ve Gained Weight?

Last night, as I sat getting my nails done, I overheard the owner of the salon telling a customer she looked like she’d gained some weight since the last time she came in.

My head immediately swiveled to see what kind of reaction the woman would have. Remarkably, she was pretty cool about it.

“Yeah, I’ve put on about 7-8 pounds since April. I haven’t been to the gym at all.”

Hearing this conversation brought a multitude of feelings on.

Remembering when I used to be able to say I hadn’t been to the gym in that long. (It was never said proudly, but admitted, sheepishly.)

Remembering once when I went in to my college nail salon after graduation and the owner told me I’d gained weight. I certainly didn’t handle it as well as that woman. My face turned bright red as I admitted that yes, yes I had gained weight since college. Mortified, I excused myself to go to the bathroom, grabbed my friend and got the hell out of there.

No way was I paying someone–someone who I was paying to make me look (and therefore feel) better–to call me fat.

Other than that terrible nail lady (and why is it always nail ladies?), the other person who told me I’d gained weight was my gynecologist in D.C.

At the time, I was furious. Who the hell is she? I thought. This is something my primary care doctor should be telling me. She should just be checking out my lady parts! Now, of course, I know that excess weight can affect any and all systems in your body and she was well within her means to say something, but at the time, I was pissed.

The last person who told me I gained weight was my mom.

“If I don’t tell you, nobody else will.” Uh, no, Mom, the mean nail lady and gyno did. When my mom told me, of course, I wasn’t a fan, either, but I was okay with her telling me because I knew she cared and was looking out for my best interests. Ultimately, though, it had to be me. It had to be me that had reached that moment, where I wasn’t going to live with being unhappy with myself any longer.

So, who would you be okay with telling you you’ve gained weight, and why? Who wouldn’t you be okay with telling you? If you’ve lost weight before, did someone telling you have any effect or did you reach that moment on your own when you knew you needed to change?

For me, I think it’d be my mom and the future man of my life. And a doctor.

Here’s what some of you had to say, but I’d love to hear what the rest of you think:

@ my husband probably could (and he belays me when we climb, so he'd know!) but it wouldn't be easy to hear
Screen shot 2010 06 22 at 7.41.05 PM normal Is It Ever Okay to Tell Someone Theyve Gained Weight?
@ sure-best friend, husband/sig other. Not okay? Husband's boss commenting on my post-partum body :(
n10900618 1926 normal Is It Ever Okay to Tell Someone Theyve Gained Weight?
@ - my mom once did in an "I'm worried about ur health" way. Still stung pretty bad but I was OK with the way she did it.
veggiesonadiettapemeasure 30 normal Is It Ever Okay to Tell Someone Theyve Gained Weight?
@MeLess50
Emily Bahhar
@ My mom always seems to be the one to point it out. I may get mad initially but ultimately I appreciate it.
laney1 normal Is It Ever Okay to Tell Someone Theyve Gained Weight?
@heylaney
Hey Laney
@ If they are telling me out of concern - anyone! I wish someone would have spoken up before I'd gotten to 230 lbs.
me 4 22  480x640  normal Is It Ever Okay to Tell Someone Theyve Gained Weight?
@melissaruns
Melissa James
@ My doc. I felt embarrassed at 1st but he gave me the help/motivation I needed & since that convo in mid-May, I've lost 20lbs.
avatar normal Is It Ever Okay to Tell Someone Theyve Gained Weight?
@ my husband and father told me this several years ago. I was mad and hurt but it inspired me to loose 20lbs.
GetAttachment normal Is It Ever Okay to Tell Someone Theyve Gained Weight?
@ NO. Never. It's called a mirror. I own one. Fuck off.
203457 9801755 8310997 n normal Is It Ever Okay to Tell Someone Theyve Gained Weight?
@lindsaykap
Lindsay Kaplan

On a lighter note…

DSCF7866 Is It Ever Okay to Tell Someone Theyve Gained Weight?

DSCF7867 Is It Ever Okay to Tell Someone Theyve Gained Weight?

Here are my nails! (I’m sorry. Showing my runners’ feet, even if they’re all pedicured, is probably still crossing the line, huh?)

Oh, what’s that? You want to know why I got my nails done?

Oh, I’m starting an awesome new freelance gig today. (On-site, although even if I were working at home for them, I probably still would have gotten my nails done to celebrate icon smile Is It Ever Okay to Tell Someone Theyve Gained Weight? )

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63 comments on “Is It Ever Okay to Tell Someone They’ve Gained Weight?

  1. Sara

    I told a really close friend once, but only after she asked me if I thought she’d gained weight. She may have been looking for me to say no, but she had actually gained a substantial amount, and I felt as her true, close friend, it would be better to be honest. I still sometimes wonder if I did the right thing!

    Reply
  2. Michelle

    Ohh this is a hard one. I honestly think I’d be hurt if anyone but my doctor told me that! :( When I was heavier, I knew it. I wasn’t fitting into my clothes and I hated every picture of myself. When I had to go buy new jeans I knew that something had to give. (Other then my waistband.)

    Reply
  3. LifeisaRun

    I think being told that is always going to be hard. Maybe that lady in the nail salon already knew it and that was a final straw of motivation. It just sucks that a lot of us need to figure out on our own, but when we do it’s sometimes gone way too far. It’s a tough and sensitive subject for sure! Right now I am pretty much only ok with my trainer telling me that!

    Reply
  4. Dori

    Congrats on the freelance job! Can’t wait to hear about it.

    And I wish my friends and mom spoke up when I gained weight in college… But I would have been upset if anyone else said anything.

    Reply
  5. Liz

    I’ve told friends – good friends – they have told me, with my besties, it’s ok. I once had a ski store employee tell me I was big and needed mens ski’s – that was killer, and you know what because of that he lost a good customer!

    Reply
  6. Amber

    I gained almost 20 (for the longest time I said 15 but let’s face it 18 is closer to 20 than 15 is) and no one said anything to me. I wish someone had, because I was in denial for the longest time about it, even after I split the ass out of a pair of jeans that “mysteriously” shrunk. That said, if someone random like my nail lady had said something, I would have been livid. My husband could have gotten away with saying something (although he never would, even when asked point blank) and maybe one or two close friends, but that’s about it.
    I don’t know if someone saying something to me would have gotten me where I needed to be to do something about it any faster or not. But looking back it kind of pisses me off that no one did say anything to me. I looked awful, and really had no clue.

    Reply
  7. Carol Blanchfield

    Not only Good Luck, but be happy and enjoy today, it’s a
    new adventure,

    Love
    Mom and Dad and Bailey too!

    Reply
  8. Dukebdc

    I’ll admit that I am hugely sensitive to personal critique, so I wouldn’t appreciate hearing it from anyone. I also keep an eye on my weight, how my clothes fit, etc., so trust me–I know when I’ve gained 5 pounds and would prefer not to be reminded. I STILL remember a comment my mom made (on behalf of my dad, who was too chicken to say it to me himself) that I should “watch how much ice cream I eat,” because my dad thought I was “looking a little chunky in my bathing suit.” I was 13 years old, and that still echoes in my head 20 years later.

    Reply
  9. Lizzy

    I absolutely think my close friends/family/husband should tell me when I’ve gained significant weight and I would tell them. I don’t want anyone telling me when I’ve gained 5-10 pounds tho. Then who the F cares. I’m always trying to lose the same 5-10 pounds. I say trying loosely because I also REALLY really like food : )

    CONGRATS on the new gig. I’m awaiting more exciting information in my email : )

    xo

    Reply
  10. Gretchen @ Honey, I Shrunk the Gretchen!

    Guff, what a question. B.W. (before weight loss) some people would comment (mostly family members. Well, mostly my mom.) and I would get really defensive, start crying, hate my life, hate them, hate the world, etc. (I don’t know if you know this, but I’m kind of a dramatic person.) Now? I think I would want people to point out that I’m gaining (although I’m still in the process of losing, and weighing myself each week is part of that so I mean, I’d know it, too.) Even though I’m sure I’d still be embarassed and defensive about it, I’d know that I can’t just ignore it and keep on living my unhealthy life (which is what happened before, obvi.)

    That being said, there’s a time, and a place, and it’s never okay for some rando person to comment on your weight unless it’s in a good way (“You’ve lost weight! You look great! I haven’t seen you in 5 years!”) Leave it to family, S/Os, and medical professionals to put you in your place. :P

    Reply
  11. Laura @ Running Dame

    Congrats on the new gig! I’m sure it must be refreshing to feel “valuable” and “productive” again!

    I think I would be mortified if anyone other than my doctor told me I had gained weight, if only becuase I would obviously know I gained weight and it would be like someone shining a mirror on me–telling me what I already know.

    Reply
  12. Jenny

    I’ve gained about 40 lbs since college, 20 of them over the last two years – since I started dating my main squeeze. This past fall I got on the scale, which I hadn’t done in a while, and almost cried. I knew in the back of my head I’d obviously gained weight. My clothes weren’t fitting comfortably, if at all.

    My boyfriend was very sweet about it, telling me he still thought I was beautiful and sexy, but yes, clearly my body had changed.

    Now we’re working out together and I’m training for a half marathon. He regularly tells me he loves me and thinks I’m beautiful, but he’s also proud of me for taking my body back.

    I think if he’d handled it any other way I would have been mortified and furious, but he was so supportive and sweet about it that I really just ended up appreciating his honesty.

    Reply
  13. Gwen

    This is such a personal issue – but for me, I’m not okay with anybody telling me that I’ve gained weight. My entire childhood, I was told I was an overweight kid, and it made me resent people. It wasn’t until I looked in the mirror at 323 pounds and said to myself, “You’ve gained weight, you have to do something” that it clicked.

    Now having gained back a significant amount of the 135 pounds I lost, nobody outwardly says it to me, some people are like “Oh, I hadn’t noticed.” I know they are lying. But I’m fine with it. I KNOW I’ve gained weight back, and other people making note has never and won’t help me now. It’s something I have to handle on my own.

    I admire those that can take it from other people without it feeling like an attack. But seperating worth and weight is a whole nother issue!

    XOXO

    Reply
  14. Melissa

    I love this post! When I got up to 230 lbs 2 1/2 years ago, I don’t recall anyone telling me that I had gained a lot of weight and maybe needed to get myself healthy. I think I was in denial about it, but all the people around me must have noticed that I was unhealthy and unhappy.

    That said, I eventually got to my own breaking point and turned myself around. I’ve lost almost 50lbs since then and have become 100% healthier than I used to be. It’s funny how people are so quick to tell someone how great they look after losing weight/getting in shape, but are so apprehensive to tell them they need to get healthy.

    Reply
  15. Margaret

    My alterations people tell me all the time, it’s funny one week gain, the next week “you lost weight?”, haha, it’s a sensitive subject, but i think you take it how you want to, i usually just shrug it off

    Reply
  16. [SMASH] at Sweat. Style. Swoon.

    My mom tells me sometimes and even though it always hurts my feelings, I know it’s true and that she just wants me to be healthy. I had a knee doctor tell me to lose weight to take stress off my knee so that made sense. And lastly, my boyfriend told me [sort of] and while that didn’t go over well [because men NEVER say things the right way], I did appreciate where his concern was coming from.

    Reply
  17. Jen Correa

    To be honest, I think it would be okay to hear it from my husband, my mom/sisters, or any close friend who was just looking out for me (not trying to be mean or hurtful). I would definitely return the favor to my mom (I have told her in the past), my sisters (although both are in great shape and athletic) and any good friend – male or female (unless I know they will react badly.) I have a friend who is 100 lbs overweight and I tell her all the time that she needs to lose weight. I tell her not to hurt her feelings, but because she needs to live a long life for her children. THAT is the best I can do for this friend.

    Reply
  18. Steph @ Running in the Kitchen

    My boyfriend told me and I freaked, not because it was him saying it, but because he was pointing out something I already knew and was in denial about. As much as I was angry for him pointing it out, it was what I needed to start dealing with what had turned into a very unhealthy situation.

    Reply
  19. Sara

    Love your nails! I’ve ben wanting to do my finger nails a pretty nude color for a while.

    And, yeah, my nail lady asked if I was pregnant. And no, no I am not.

    Reply
  20. Rachel

    I know when I gain weight – my clothes no longer fit correctly. I don’t need anyone to tell me, but I would be fine with my husband telling me, though he probably wouldn’t unless I brought it up. My mom is always super critical and the way she says stuff like that is so harsh. So yeah, probably just my husband or my doctor.

    I gained weight after college and felt so embarrassed. My BMI was barely over 25, but still…so ashamed. I lost 20 lbs last summer, then started grad school a year ago and gained it ALL back. The only person who said anything besides my mom and my husband was our cleaning lady at work. Rude, right? The janitor told me I was getting “plump” and must have gained some weight. I was so, so humiliated as many of my co-workers heard. All I could mumble back was that yes, I had gained weight.

    This year I have lost it all again plus some and am actually at my college weight now (woo!) and hope to be at my high school weight as my “goal weight.” Or maybe a smidge higher. But…I start grad school next Monday and am SO freakin nervous about how I will do. I know I’m in a much, much better place with emotional eating and handling stress (my full time job is pretty stressful and I know better now how to balance work and school, I hope). Wish me luck.

    Reply
  21. Beth @ Beth's Journey

    My gyno is who asked me what was going on with my weight in late 2008, which ultimately led to me changing my life. Like you, I was MORTIFIED at first, but after it digested a bit I took it to heart and it really helped me start making changes in my life.

    That said, I think weight is SUCH a sensitive topic, and even though I still struggle with a few pounds here and there now that I’m at/close to goal, I would be really upset/offended it someone told me I gained weight, even now.

    Reply
  22. Liza

    I always know when I have gained weight. Although I weigh myself like every other day. Recently my gynecologist lectured me on needing to gain weight. I actually got really upset about it. He was telling me that he thought I would have trouble getting pregnant because my BMI is too low. I did not even mention ANYTHING about WANTING to get pregnant. For some reason I felt like he was saying: you are not even a mother yet and you are already bad at it. I know he was just trying to help, but it really angered me. And I am not underweight by even BMI standards!

    Reply
  23. Gabriela @ Une Vie Saine

    People who can say something, if and only if it’s a health issue (as in, I’m not talking about 10 pounds that take you from a 4 to a 6 or whatever):
    1. Doctors
    2. Significant others who you’ve been dating for long enough to know they’re in it for the long haul
    3. Parents/siblings you have a good relationship with
    4. People you’ve been good friends with for at least 5 years.

    I know this is the other end of the spectrum, but when I was way too thin everyone and their mother had something to say about it. Weight is a private thing, and only those who truly know you can comment on it without being an asshole, regardless of how much you’ve lost or gained.

    Reply
  24. Kimra

    A doctor who actually weighs me would be OK with me, because there’s a chart and numbers and evidence. But my *optometrist* once insinuated that I’d gained weight after I’d changed my status from “single” to “married” in my patient info form. The conversation literally went “Oh, when was the wedding?” “May” “So you’ve been gaining weight since then?” First, I hadn’t; second, he didn’t see me often enough or know me well enough to know; third, there is no way that should have been his concern! (And yes, I’m sure there’s some connection between weight and vision issues, but it’s not like my weight had ever been a topic of conversation at eye appointments before.)

    Reply
  25. Christina

    I’ll admit that when someone told me that I made a joke out of it and made it seem like it was nothing but when I got home it was aweful! I literally looked at myself and picked my self apart. Like I didn’t know I gained weight was enough, I think it’s a comment most people mean harmlessly but it really depends on the persons mind frame on whether it is helpful or not.

    Reply
  26. RunEatRepeat

    I agree with Lindsey’s tweet – Fuck off.
    Who has ever gained 10 pounds or more and NOT realized it?! Your clothes fit different. You can see it in pictures. You know when you’ve gained weight.
    Since I was a chubby kid, as an adult I have always been very protective of myself and how I let people treat me. I would never be friends or in a relationship with someone who commented on my weight. No. Protect yourself and draw the line with people around you.
    Of course your doctor can say something – because it’s relevant to your health. But unless it’s a health thing I don’t think your family should say anything.

    Reply
  27. Theresa @ActiveEggplant.com

    I actually WANT some people to tell me – my husband, my gyno, my primary care doctor. Maybe my mom (only because she tends to sometimes be too blunt about these kinds of things).
    These are people that care about me – whether on a personal or professional level – and are looking out for my best interests – so I think they have every right to say something to me.
    Leading up to late 2009 I had packed on 50+ lbs over the course of about 2 years and I *knew* it…but I wasn’t doing anything about it. It took a few concerned comments/questions from my husband & my physicians, plus a devastating trip to shop for a business suit to finally open my eyes to just how bad things have gotten. Without their comments & questions about what was happening, I would never be where I am today.

    Reply
  28. Lacey

    Some nail ladies are so tactless. No, I do not have a boyfriend or a husband and NO, I do not know why and NO, I do not know w hen I’ll get one.

    Reply
  29. Sarah Jayne

    Um, if a nail lady said that to me, I would flip her the bird and stomp my (apparently bigger) ass right out of there. REEEEE-diculous. The only people that have any right to comment on my weight are the important people in my life who are telling me because they care/are concerned…mom, dad, brother, best friend, husband.

    PS YAYAYAY for the freelance job!!!!! AND what is the color on your nails? I WANT!

    Reply
  30. emily

    Oh man, when I gained weight after college, I was PISSED that no one in my life told me I was gaining weight. It was also my gyno who finally told me I’d put on more than a few pounds. I was obviously upset to hear this, but at least then I was motivated to get my ass in gear and lose it. It’s hard to notice when you’re slowly gaining weight…I maybe knew it was happening a little bit but I was in such denial and I never weighed myself to confirm anything. I wish anyone in my life had said something sooner to give me the slap in the face that I needed!

    Reply
  31. Liz

    I think this may be a cultural thing – in some cultures, it’s perfectly appropriate to comment on a weight gain. However, I would be offended unless it was my doctor. Even my husband commenting on my weight would make me feel terrible. I’m already hyper-aware of my body.

    Also, pleeeease tell me the color of your fingernail polish! (If you remember it). That is the perfect pale pink!

    Reply
  32. Jenn

    I would be mortified if anyone other than my mom or bf would tell me it looked like I gained weight. I would be embarrassed if a doctor would tell me, but honestly it would be incredibly helpful and an eye opener to hear.

    Reply
  33. Taylor

    My husband better tell me! When I gained weight in the past my dad told me… he mentioned ok said quite loudly that I had gained too much college and needed to do something. It broke my heart but I def did something!

    Reply
  34. Cindy

    The women at my nail salon totally do that to me. One week it’s “You gain weight?” and the next it’s, “You too skinny. Need to eat more.” I love them and kind of expect it from them, so they are the only people that get to comment about my weight!

    Reply
  35. Maggie

    I wish someone would have said something when I gained a lot of weight in college, but what are they supposed to say? It’s such a difficult situation. I had doctors tell me I needed to lose weight, but none of them ever said it in a constructive way. It was just like a thought they threw out randomly and there was never any follow up. There definitely needs a better way for it to be addressed with people.

    Reply
  36. Helen

    Good topic!! I find it incredibly rude when near-strangers comment on your weight!! I do think it has something to do with other cultures…weight might not be as big an issue to females in other countries as it is here in the USA. FoR ex..my mom told me about this one time that an African woman (dont remember which country) told my mom that she looked very fat! and she meant it as a compliment!!! she said in her country that is a beautiful thing. I would be furious..esp since my Mom was just losing baby weight from my little sister. but my Mom is from another country herself (Bolivia) and she just understood it was a cultural thing and that the woman truly meant well. Still- I do NOT want to hear that i’ve gained weight- that’s what my scale is for!!

    Reply
  37. Kristy

    Interestingly enough, I just went through a situation. I have gained about 12 lbs recently. I know I have gained it and it happened due to stress eating. I’ve been working hard to get back to my regular balance/marathon training routine. I feel better already.
    I was recently visiting my doctor for a yearly physical and I mentioned how I’m working my way back to a healthy weight for me. I realize I am the one who brought up this point, not the doctor. He proceeded to tell me that I’m still within my correct weight range but if I were to visit the world of Hollywood they would call me obese. This is all probably true but I didn’t really need that comparison I suppose. I’m happy with who I am as a person.

    Reply
  38. Laura @ southern girl bakes

    Congrats on the freelance gig!

    It’s not OK to comment on someone’s weight if it’s just to comment on their weight gain. Most likely that person is self-conscious enough and doesn’t need that kind of unproductive negativity.

    It’s different if it comes from your mom, loved one or doctor out of concern for your health. It’s obvious when the intent is different – the tone used, how the conversation is even broached, if they’re willing to help…. I wish someone had talked to me about my weight before it got to the point of needing to lose 30lbs.

    Reply
  39. Erica

    My mother (but only because, really, how can anyone keep their mother from commenting on such things?) or my doctor could tell me. A good friend or serious boyfriend if I’d gained a significant (>10 lbs) amount.

    I think it’s rude for people who don’t know you personally to make any comment about your weight… the janitor at my office (are janitors the new nail technicians?) told me I’d lost weight the other day, and I said “thank you”, but it made me feel weird. Especially because I haven’t lost weight at all; I’m just densifying due to marathon training.

    Reply
  40. tracey

    Congrats on the gig!

    I hate when anyone tells me I’ve gained weight, but the only people who I think are “allowed” are my Mom and my doctor. I think we all realize when we need to rein it in and lose weight, but for each of us it’s a different tipping point. My doctor and Mom commented all the time on my weight in what they thought was a helpful manner. But it was finally a healthy living conversation with a phone friend who I finally met in person that pushed me over the edge and got me on the road to healthy living. It was hard, we had a lot of difficult conversations during that time period, and I still will never really understand why an almost perfect stranger was finally the one who was able to convince me to make these changes in my life. But I will forever be grateful to him.

    Reply
  41. Tammy

    The whole time I was gaining weight up to my 391 lbs, I was always aware. I never give anyone a chance to tell me that I have gained weight because if I have I usually tell them before they can tell me. That doesn’t stop my mom from reminding me though. It hurts, but I know she loves me and is worried about my health. I think it hurts anytime someone points it out.

    Reply
  42. Caitlin

    SUCH a sensitive issue! The only people who ever said anything to me were my doctor and my mom – and of course I was embarrassed at the doctor, and mad at my mom. But I totally agree it is so personal and it was only when I finally decided that I was tired of living in my body that I made the decision to change and lose 40 pounds.
    I cannot believe the nail ladies! I would be so offended. I am probably over-sensitive, but I’m not sure I’d react well to it coming from anyone.
    Congrats on the new gig!! Jealous of the mani/pedi :)

    Reply
  43. Brittany in TX

    My primary doctor was the one that told me he was concerned about my weight and that made me decide to start losing weight. It was the first time I had ever been to him and I was taken back at first but then again it made me take action.

    Congrats on the freelance gig!!!

    Reply
  44. Tara

    First of all, congrats on the freelance gig! That sounds amazing.

    I grew up with my parents telling me I was gaining weight, I was husky, I was getting too big an a$$ and the list goes on. I think that has affected some of my confidence and self-esteem. I think it also contributed to my sister’s eating disorder since it was such an overwhelmingly frequent thing to hear. That makes me very sensitive to hearing it now and it puts me on the defensive quickly. I do not think it is something you say to someone you know casually and it needs to always be said with the utmost care if your really doing it for concern for the person- not just making it seem like they are fat.

    Reply
  45. Debbie

    as someone who has always been naturally thin & willowy, i find it just as offensive when people think they can make comments about my lack of extra weight. i get so tired of people saying, ‘youre SO skinny, do you ever eat?’ obviouisly i do, you moron. i am an acceptable weight for my height & im athletic. its just that since a good deal of the population is overweight, i suppose that i look (in their eyes anyway) “too thin”. if people have a weight issue, i suggest they work that out w/ themselves instead of snickering at me in the grocery line (i have fresh veges & fruit in my cart, THEY have the frozen pizzas) calling me a “skinny bitch” or “anorexic”.

    oops, sorry, ill get down off my soapbox now….

    Reply
  46. Morgan

    Congrats on the free lance gig chica!!! Wishing you the best of luck and I hope you land something full time soon! You’ve been in my prayers for sure!

    Reply
  47. Elise

    I’d be okay with my best friend/doctor/sig other. They know me well, and know ways to tell me that are helpful not hurtful. Unfortunately my mother (though I love her dearly), is not so tactful at letting me (or anyone) know as she comes off as judgmental and disapproving, and she ends up being more harmful than helpful in that department.

    Reply
  48. Rachel

    Strangers or casual acquaintances/friends should NEVER comment on your weight, in either direction! It drives me crazy how people always assume that a) they should comment on my body at all, and b) commenting on a weight loss is always a compliment. Friends and doctors excepted for me, though. :D

    Reply
  49. Katherine

    Nail salon ladies can be so rude!! The technician doing my nails once told me that I need to wax my arms (I barely have any hair, for the record!!). That same day, she asked my coworker when she was due (she had her baby about 4 months prior).
    I also work with a woman who is KNOWN for asking people if they are pregnant. She once asked a girl who had a baby about 6 months earlier if she was pregnant again. UM really?!
    So in conclusion, I do not think it is ever ok to tell someone they’ve gained weight. It’s too hurtful. It’s their body, therefor they obviously know if they have or haven’t. No need to point it out.

    Reply
  50. Anonymous

    This is a two-part response. And one for which I will probably take some heat. I was told I was fat by my mom, my doctor, my best friend and my roommate.

    As for a small weight gain, eh, you know you gain it, and sometimes comments sting, but either it bugs you and you do something about it, or you let it roll off your shoulders. Being told you’ve gained a few pounds should be the worst thing someone tells you about yourself. :)

    It’s always “nail ladies” because most often they’re Asian. And according to my Asian roommate, that’s pretty common. In Asian cultures, there isn’t always that sensitivity-barrier (which has led to more than one argument between us). In fact, my very slender roommate was called out for gaining weight by her own mother after she went from a 0 to a 4 (still very slim on her 5′ 4″ frame). And my roommate called me out when I went from an 8-10 to a 14/16. And you know what – she was right. I was FAT (I had the high cholesterol to prove it). Fat people tend to be very sensitive about their weight because it is usually a symptom of a much deeper issue and insecurity. They also tend to use it as an excuse for any and everything wrong in their lives, or why people don’t like them, etc. I know. I’ve been that angry, over-sensitive, excuse-making fat girl. I’m still pretty heavy (I went from 125 in high school to 150 in my 20′s to an all time high of 205. I’m now 170 on a 5′ 5″ frame), but it’s no longer an excuse, it’s a challenge. And for the first time in my life, I’m slowly and surely overcoming it – as opposed to another yo-yo diet. For any fat girl that thinks she’s fooling anyone or that she isn’t fat because no one has said anything, the only person she’s fooling is herself.

    Reply
  51. Andrea @ Run, Eat, Date, Sleep

    I think the person gaining the weight would already know that they gained it, so why does someone else have to bring it up. I mean, aren’t your clothes tighter? Even if a friend asks me for my opinion and asks “do you think I’ve gained weight?”, I honestly tell them that I’m really bad at noticing stuff like that.

    Reply
  52. Diana

    If your nail ladies were Asian, it might be because it is culturally acceptable and normal to comment on people’s weight in many Asian cultures.

    Reply
  53. Dora

    My family always tells me I need to lose weight.

    But the issue is by North American standard I’m as fit as a hot pin-up girl, where on the flipside, by Asian standards I’m obese as hell.

    How would you feel if your family even told you to lose the muscle you gain from cardio because you were too big??

    I don’t get pissed… I get depressed.

    Reply
  54. Lily

    My family always told me that i needed to lose weight and they were right. I didn’t realize it until my close was too small and looking at old pictures. Then I started working out. I am so happy by family my family told me I was fat because now I look better than ever. Whenever I asked my friends they were not honest, they didn’t want me to feel bad.

    Reply
  55. Phoebe

    I’ve always been told by my parents to lose weight from an early age. Although I was never overweight until I was in university. And I knew that, I never felt good about myself and my weight fluctuated like crazy. By the end of my last year, I gained a huge amount of weight and my clothes didn’t fit me anymore. And thats when my parents’ comments turned into “stop eating, its disgusting how much you’re eating”. I was able to tune out my parents, but then one of the priests in my church (whom I didn’t speak to much) whispered in my ear in front of a group of people, that I needed to lose weight and that 6 months would be enough. That’s when it hurt. And then my neighbour decided that he would tell me that I needed to lose weight and that I looked better when I was younger. That really hurt. I don’t understand what these men think they mean to me. I have no connection to them and I don’t know why they think it would help. Or do they enjoy the power it gives them to bring someone down?

    I know I’ve gained weight and I also know that I won’t be fit overnight. What I need is positive reinforcement, not negative comments or random people thinking they have some kind of authority. I agree with a lot of the comments that people are saying. If my doctor were to tell me I needed to lose weight for my health, I would appreciate his concern.

    Reply
  56. Amelia

    I started at 145 and started a slow weight gain that lasted 3 years. I was weighing in at 220 and felt terrible. My mom had mentioned I looked like I was gaining weight. It felt terrible to hear. I avoided mirrors, having my picture taken, talking to my old friends even going out of my house. I knew I had to get my life back and a year and 1/2 later I am down to 140. I won’t ever go back. I work out regularly and now my family members always compliment how good I look.

    Reply
  57. katrina

    My mom once told me that she noticed I had “ballooned” up since the last time she saw me. She didn’t say it out of concern, but just mere observation. It *really* offended me. There’s no need to point something like that out to someone unless you’re trying to be hurtful. My mom looks like she’s aging rapidly these days, yet I don’t make verbal observations like: “Wow, look at all your wrinkles. You’ve really pruned up since the last time I saw you.” Rude is rude…period. Yes, we can all delude ourselves into believing that we are thinner than we actually are. But still, remarking on someone’s weight gain is not cool.

    Reply
  58. NurseFleming

    I gained about 70 pounds since college from laziness and overeating and having a baby, and a friend I’d known quite well literally didn’t recognize me in a parking lot. (A lot of weight went to my face.) I will never forget the look of shock when she realized who she was talking to, but I helped her out of an awkward situation by saying, “I know! I got fat!”

    She laughed and I guess it took the brakes off that I said the “F” word. She said, “Yea, you did!”

    I turned to the side and then all the way around and she said “Damn, girl! What have you been eating??”

    I said, “Nothing, just living well!”

    She said “Well, at least you’re ok with it!”

    I realized, in that moment, that I was actually OK with it. We don’t all stay 18 forever, and I see so many women frantically trying to be SKINNY into their 30s, 40s and 50s and none of them look well. They may have 4% body fat but none look happy.

    My two cents.

    Reply

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