I Feel Alive

I feel so alive. May I hazard to say, more alive than I’ve ever felt?

I have a job I love so very much with supportive and amazing coworkers turned friends. It challenges me each and every day, and it’s something I’m so passionate about.

I finished a huge volunteer commitment that was something I never thought I could do, and that many times throughout those two years, I didn’t think I could do.

But sure, it’s easy to say the secure and what we’ve accomplished make us feel alive, right? The stuff that puts the wind in our sails?

What about the stuff that sometimes make us stop and catch our breath and wonder what the hell we’ve gotten ourselves into?

I think that’s what makes us feel alive, and that’s what I’ve been going for the past few months, with the support of people who believe me in before I believe in myself.

A few months ago, I decided to commit myself more to dating. And I have been, slowly. A few months ago, Lacey and I went to an Uplift book discussion for the Alpha Woman Meets Her Match. (I haven’t read the book or think I’m an alpha woman, but I was still really interested to hear what the author had to say as well as the discussion that would ensue.) Long story short, we all ended up going out for some more wine after and talking to Dr. Sonya Rhodes about our own romantical lives, or lack thereof.

“You need to date more,” she said. “And yes, you will get hurt. That’s part of it.” I heard a Jillian Michaels podcast recently, too, talking about hurting more by not taking those chances on something that could make you happy.

In the Hamptons, Heather and I had some deep conversations (warning: Theodora + wine generally equals either deep convo or telling you you are my favorite person in the world)…and I finally just let a whole lot go. She made a great analogy: I’d taken a lot of chances moving to NYC, losing weight, going for my dream job, running races – why was I afraid elsewhere? It was a major breakthrough, and gave me a new perspective. Something told me to take the chance on this share house with this friend I barely knew, and I’m glad I did. It’s already meant a lot more to me than just a few awesome weekends of partying out where it doesn’t feel like real life.

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And that tri thing: I talked with my coach tonight and laid out all of my tri fears. She gave me some solid tips about the bike: try to gain some extra momentum before you get to that hill so you have more power going up it. She also talked about giving me some more bike drills, similar to the idea of run drills.  We talked very candidly about her assessment of my abilities. She was honest that until I committed to my road bike and to an Olympic-distance tri, she wasn’t quite sure how committed I was. But she knows that since I’ve been working on my biking and my swimming, my heart’s in it. It still makes me nervous, but I’m just going to keep on pushing through that, one workout at a time. 

I didn’t originally post anything about doing the NYC Tri, because I was initially kind of scared. (Also, it was a last-minute decision – I managed to get a media bib just a few weeks out.) But hey, it’s next weekend, and I’m actually really freaking excited for it. 

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Oh, and I ran with three-time Ironman Kona champion Craig Alexander this morning at a media event. I nearly slept in, but how often do you get to run with Ironman champions? As I crossed Central Park South to get to the meeting spot, I thought of how far I’ve come. I was considered fitness media. Running with an Ironman champion. 

I’m trying new things. I might fail. I might get hurt. (Hopefully, emotionally, not physically, should any hurt occur.) But I could finish something I never thought I could. I could fall in love. This is the summer of possibilities. Letting go of baggage feels good.

What makes you really and truly feel alive?

18 comments on “I Feel Alive

  1. Barb

    I am so happy for you! I think you life has so done a 180. I do not run and I wish I liked running (I could lose 35-40 pounds), but I think you are having such great life experiences. I love reading the posts. I also thought about you a week ago and the fact that you haven’t been dating. I think you need to take the chance or could meet someone through all of your friends in NYC.

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  2. KMB

    You are seriously inspirational in so many ways! Dating in NY is hard, but just like all the training you’ve been doing, it’s pretty much the only way to meet your goal. The most important thing to remember is how great you are and how complete your life already is. The rest will come in time. There’s no reason for it not to. 🙂

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  3. Alicia

    Your posts are always so inspirational! Best of luck on the tri this weekend…and your dating life 🙂

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  4. elizabeth e

    I just want you to know that I’m mentally high-fiving you from my cube right now (exciting life). One of the things I’ve been struggling with recently is putting myself out there, and its nice to hear that I’m not the only one! Can’t wait to hear more about your adventures.

    Also, I love that you’re so involved in JL. I’m in the Junior League here in Atlanta, and my placement this year is Chair-elect of our 5k/10k fundraiser. Its more work that I thought, and its more rewarding than I thought. I know it mu be bittersweet to end your role, but I can’t wait to see what you do next.

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  5. Alexis

    I’ve been working on my bicycling and running skills and hoping to soon do a triathlon. I know I have plenty of more training ahead of me though. I should probably start out with a half triathlon.

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  6. April

    Great! I can relate with you right now. I have also now my first work after I graduate and the warm relationship my workmates gave to me makes me feel so alive. Best luck with your life right now. I believe there are still so many reasons you can feel alive upon the journey of your life. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
  7. sokphal

    When I saw the pic with you and Craig I was thinking THAT was who you were dating and said “Goooo Theodora!”… then I read the paragraph underneath. 🙂 Womp, womp. Dating is tough is any city- but it can be fun! Way to put yourself or there!

    Reply

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