Last week, a good friend and I met up for a glass of wine before potentially meeting up with two fellows.
I was a bit nervous, and as a good friend/really freaking intuitive person, she could tell.
“What are you nervous about?” she asked. “No, no, no. Actually, let’s focus on the positive. You’re going to walk in like you own the place. Tell me 10 things you love about yourself right now.”
I immediately clammed up and felt like the entire bar was staring at me, even though it was only my friend looking at me expectantly, waiting for my response, because she wanted me to feel confident and she wanted this guy to see all the great things in me that she sees as a friend.
“Um, this is really uncomfortable,” I told her.
“Why? You’re awesome.”
I think I’m pretty real with sharing my highs and lows on this little site, but confidence is certainly something I’m working on and may always be a work in progress.
I knew I wanted to write about this conversation I had with my friend, because I knew some of you would identify, but I debated with myself if I’d share my 10 things I love about myself. What if you disagreed? Well, some of you probably will disagree. And after six years of putting myself out there on the Internets, that’s something I’m okay with and used to. Some of you will think this is a narcissistic exercise and a first-world problem. And you are right, too. But if I can help even one of you start to reframe how you think about yourself, it’s worth it.
A few interesting things I’ve read on confidence lately:
The Confidence Code: Written by two journalists, this book examines the link between women and a lack of confidence through research and interviews with successful women. Even the most successful women they talked to still struggled with confidence. But it’s that struggle — and how it affects our actions — that holds us back.
This Book Will Make You Confident: Part of a series written by a therapist and a journalist, this little book (I say little because it is pocket-sized!) is like putting a therapist in your purse. There’s a really interesting “mind map” for negative thoughts showing how your negative thoughts can actually become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and how you can challenge those thoughts.
I asked on Twitter what y’all thought, because I was curious, and I LOVE Abby’s answer:
@tblanchfield YES and NOT ONE BIT. I’m proud of who I am and how far I’ve come!
— Abby (@Abby_NYC) March 7, 2015
So, without furthier ado, here’s mine, with the caveat this list didn’t come easy to me:
1. I love my thick, straight, blond hair.
2. I’m really honest. Like, to a fault. I cannot lie to people I love or respect.
3. I’m good at my job.
4. I have a great sense of humor.
5. I’m fun to be around.
6. I’m loyal. Again, to a fault.
7. I’m intelligent.
8. I’m athletic.
9. I’m a good problem solver.
10. I’m a good friend.
So you tell me — would you have a hard time if a friend asked you this right now? What do you love about yourself right now?