Tag Archives: reflections

Right Where I Need to Be

Yesterday, on Christmas Day, I headed out for an eight-mile run in some of the new running clothes Santa had brought me. 

Not because I felt guilty for the unhealthy food I’d been eating.

Not because I was running away from my feelings.

Not because I wanted to make sure I fit into my new Christmas clothes. (Although, that didn’t hurt.)

I ran because 8 miles was on my training schedule for yesterday and I wanted to get it in before the snow.

I ran because I knew my body needed it after lots of rich food, and I knew it’d help the headache I had.

I ran because I love how it makes me feel.

I ran because I can.

As I ran up and down the hills of my hometown (there’s a road called Summit Ave—apparently it’s called that for a reason), I imagined some of the passengers in the cars that passed thinking, “wow, that girl’s got dedication. Look at her out there in the cold, on Christmas Day, running. I wish I was that girl.” I know that’s how I would have thought a few years ago.

But I’m pretty damn close to that girl I’ve always wanted to be.

I don’t wish any more. I don’t make excuses any more. I set goals and shred them.

I run. I ran a marathon. I’ve run quite a few other races.

I fit into the clothes that Santa leaves under the tree. After years of asking for size 12 and 14 clothes and only trying on clothes first thing in the morning, before I’d had anything to eat, it is an amazing feeling to pull on a size 4 skirt—although, admittedly, it would feel a little better right now if I had had a few more vegetables this weekend.

I’ve released baggage that wasn’t mine to carry, so I’m now lighter both physically and emotionally. 

My life isn’t perfect, by any means, nor is it exactly where I want it to be. But for now, I’m where I need to be, and that’s good for me.

Clean Diet, Clean House, Clean Mind

I looked around my kitchen this morning and realized my counters were empty and clean. The clothes in my closet, all put away.

This is the rule these days, not the exception.

I used to envy friends for their cute, clean, organized apartments. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t dirty, but I certainly wasn’t very neat, and I didn’t put much thought into my apartment, the way I didn’t put much thought into how I treated my body.

Then, once I realized that I could treat my body better, I started treating my apartment better. Nothing huge, just little things like cleaning up as I went so that I didn’t hate cleaning as much because I had to be on my hands and knees for hours.

Or maybe it’s an age thing, and I finally grew up. Either way, taking more pride in how I treated my body led to taking more pride in how I treated my mind,my friends, my family, strangers, and, certainly, my apartment. I now take pride in it. I like having people over.

Wanna see? Take a look at Bailey Cam!

[Edited to add: that photo on my Ustream account is clearly a before.]

I’ve been grabbing breakfasts and lunches this week because of an unfortunate Tupperware incident last weekend (my mom accidentally took it all home when she was helping me move), but I’m trying to get back on track with that…

Until then…