To be honest, every day I still don’t have a job, I wake up with my heart pounding.
The days that I have interviews or meetings are stressful, but having something that I need to do makes me feel like I’m not a waste of space.
I’m trying to freelance and create some of my own work so that I feel like I’m accomplishing something, rather than just being a drain on society and not furthering my career, but it’s still hard.
Especially days like today when there’s nothing I *have* to do. (Of course, all week, I was waiting for a day like today so I could relax.)
So I tried to do calm-making things.
I cleaned my kitchen.
I went to a yoga class.
And then some dude walked in half an hour late, made a big show of throwing all his stuff down loudly, sighing, and then walking out twenty minutes early. (It was an hour class, so he was only there for ten minutes. Um?) Thanks for interrupting my zen, buddy. There was also a woman next to me breathing so loudly that I first thought it was the air conditioning. I finally unwound by the end of the class, and then I walked out and the late dude and his wife were having a loud fight with their child. In the gym. And then I got in the elevator and heard a woman tell her friend that she “owed effing $40,000 because of his mistake.”
You know you live in NYC when the zen lasts for about three minutes after class.
But I was still determined not to let any of these people mess with my zen, so I went to another happy place: the running store. I’m obviously trying to curb my spending, but running socks and Gu definitely count as necessities during marathon training.
I’m trying new socks, because my feet seem to be swelling a bit with all this summer running, and I’m trying new fuel for my 15-miler tomorrow so that I don’t bonk. I definitely under-fuel on my long runs. (I’m not planning on taking all of that tomorrow!) Running retail therapy always helps.
I realized my diet has been lacking a bit in green veggies lately, so I stopped at the Stiles Farmers Market on my way home. (Well, to be honest, I stopped at Whole Foods first, just picked up kale and spinach and immediately put it down when I saw the length of the line.) If you ask me, this market is definitely a hidden gem in Hell’s Kitchen. It’s not the least bit fancy, but it has fresh produce at awesome prices. These two big bags were $14.00. Serious win.
I came home, sauteed a tiny bit of kale in olive oil and put it over my scallops and couscous from the other night, and sprinkled it all in nutritional yeast for a little extra flavor.
I was still feeling motivated to do more things for myself, so I tried my own take on Mama Pea’s dough balls. (Yes, I’m so late to this party.)
I did a little substitution: all whole-wheat flour instead of mixing whole wheat and regular; sunflower butter for peanut butter; all chocolate chips instead of peanut butter chips and no powdered sugar.
I haven’t baked them yet, but the dough tastes good!
Zen achieved.
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Your thoughts about not having a job = my thoughts about not having a job. Siiiiigh. We'll make it, though. Yoga and chocolate help.
Hi from over the river in Jersey! You crack me up. I love reading your blog...always makes me laugh and relate! I made dough balls today, too. Delish stuff....madly addicting. And running retail therapy is definitely a must. Happy Friday. =)
Bahaha Living in NYC just sounds tressful!!
Chocolate always help to reach zen:) I laughed out load when I read your post about the loud yoga breather. I HATE that! Loud breathers are the worst!
I would have been seriously annoyed with the yoga class people. I can't believe those huge bags of produce for that price. What a steal!
I can very much relate to the job search anxiety. I was out of work since November. I just got hired for something part-time. But I was doubly frustrated because I was not getting any interviews or progress or interest. It is extremely frustrating to have a college degree and part of my Masters and still not be able to find anything for months. I hated having the feeling of being a waste of space and not doing anything to contribute to society. I am very excited about the new opportunity I have but it is definitely something I never thought I would be doing.
Whenever I am in NYC I am not allowed to do any payed work since I only have non immigrant visas. Even though I am usually busy with university work, writing and researching for papers, I found myself with the same feelings of just "taking up space" and not really doing anything for the society I live in.
So I knew I wanted to do something meaningful beside studying and I found that in giving some of my time to volunteering.
The thing is that I always know that my time is limited and I can't commit to any big volunteer project that stretches over weeks and weeks. Then I discovered New York Cares. You probably know about it since thir ads are allover the subway but their system is a perfect fit for my (and maybe your) situation.
You sign up through their website, attend an introductary class and then pick and choose different projects that only last a few hours at a time. They offer all kinds of volunteer opportunities, you can work with kids, teenager or seniors, spruce up parks or help with races or other social events(last year I worked a lot with "Gods Love we deliver" who catered to the Breast Cancer Race in Washington Heights"). Twice a week you can run with the Achilles Track Club and assist blind or otherwise challenged runners just by being their running buddy for a few hours.
It feel it helps a lot to commit yourself to be at a certain place at a certain time to help because you are expected to be there and it feels great when people thank you for being there ( especially seniors can be so sweet with expressing their thanks).
So, long story short, maybe volunteering with New York Cares would work great for you too and help you to meaningfully fill up the gaps in your calendar in between training, races and interviews.
Anyways, good luck with the job hunt!
Time to come home and have Mom's good cooking??
I can think of alot of things to do in New Jersey,
and things you can help me accomplish at home,
What do you think?
Love you
Mom
@Carol Blanchfield: CUTE! :) That's exactly what my mama woud say!
Glad you found your zen. I always skip out when there are long lines too! I feel ya!!! :)
That yoga class would have made me CRAZY.