Reset.

So you may have noticed a sponsored post or two around these parts lately.

Like Heather, I vowed I’d never write a sponsored post.

Like you, I skip past most sponsored posts in my reader.

So why have I written some sponsored posts?

It’s not because I feel entitled to get paid for the time I spend writing on this blog–I would keep doing it even if I wasn’t getting paid for it.

Getting paid to do something I enjoy is fun, and extra money’s always nice. That’s the long and short of it.

But that’s obviously not why I started this blog. I started it to document my weight loss and to talk about the things I couldn’t stop thinking about–health and nutrition. I’m not saying that I’m going to completely stop sponsored posts, but they will be less frequent. (As Heather and others have blogged, you apply for these posts often months before they run, and you have no idea which ones you will be picked for…so inevitably, they all come up around the same time.)

I do promise to be pickier about any paid opportunities, and I’ve already cut back on accepting free product. I really enjoy blogger events–especially trying new fitness classes–so I’m not cutting back on those, though.

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So consider this a reset and for me to get back to my blogging roots–being real about weight loss, fitness, running, and my love for wine. And thanks for sticking around.

Can I also get a reset on the rest of my life?

Work continues to go well, but involves long hours.

I’ve committed myself to an awful lot for the rest of the year: a half-marathon this weekend, moving next weekend, another half-marathon in April, a relay race and a trip to OBX in May, a 10K and triathlon in June, a wedding in San Francisco in September, two weddings in D.C. in October and a marathon (also in D.C., also in October. Who wants an October roomie??)

All fun stuff, all stuff I’ve chosen to do, but still a little overwhelming. Thinking about all that is also forcing me to hit reset in some other areas so I can afford all that and so I don’t go completely crazy. I loved Carla’s post this morning about having it all. I can choose what my all is, and I want to choose things that make me happy. Having a full social and race calendar absolutely make me happy, but being a good dog owner and just being good to myself make me happy, too.

Which brings me to reset #3.

I’m the most unhappy about my body that I have been since I reached my goal weight two years ago. I haven’t gained more than 3-4 pounds, but good lord, it’s all in my stomach, and the rest of me just feels flabby.

I hate it. I ran home from work again tonight, and I went to put on a pair of shorts I’d absentmindedly grabbed from my drawer without looking or trying them on. They. looked. horrible. Paired with a tighter tank top, they showed off every single bump and roll. I looked in the mirror and felt miserable, and couldn’t imagine running home–outside, in public–in them. I searched my gym bag to see if I had anything else, and finally decided to just run home in the cotton leggings I’d worn under my dress today. I wasn’t going to not run because I felt fat. That wouldn’t help anything.

My stomach has been blissfully peaceful for the past few months, but I’ve also eased up some on the vegetables. For my stupid stomach, it’s a real fine line between a good amount of vegetables and too much. The lack of vegetables, in turn, has made me feel less full, and so, I think my portion sizes have slowly been creeping back to the larger side. A reminder that I will struggle with maintaining my weight for the rest of my life.

But I will never give up.

Tonight, I contemplated warming up a turkey burger and putting it over some whole wheat pasta with pesto and calling it a night, like I’ve been doing lately, but thinking about this lack of veggies, unhappiness with my flabby stomach and the need to clean up my fridge before I move? I made these frozen veggies I got at Whole Foods a few weeks ago for a night like this.

Served with the warmed up turkey burger. Filling and green.

Rinse, repeat.

As for the weight training I know I need to do to tone back up? The jury’s still out on that one. I know I need to find something I can consistently stick with, though, that won’t leave me too sore to run.

Good lord, this was an intense post. If you’ve made it to the end…congratulations. Puppies and sunshine will return tomorrow.