Last week, I got an email from a friend.
It was in the context of us emailing back and forth about various insecurities/first world problems. “I totally admire your life,” she said. “…I feel like we all need to see what everyone else sees, because it’s pretty damn cool!”
It was a sweet email, but it also made me cringe a little.
When I first started using social media often a few years ago, I’d often fall into the trap of thinking everyone’s life is The! Best! Ever! My life is not The! Best! Ever! and if I made the mistake of comparing myself and my life to those sunshiney photos of those Perfect Lives, it wouldn’t usually measure up.
As I got older, I learned a few things:
The day after I got that email, I saw Carla post an article on Facebook about Instagram’s Envy Effect and everyone’s lives looking perfect on social media. I commented on her Facebook, “but, really, who wants to post an ugly Instagram photo?” but I think it applies generally over social media.
Just one of those awful Instagram photos
I also know that I—and other women—have a tendency to downplay my achievements, especially on my blog. (Well, except for running. Dude, if I get an amazing PR, no, I will not be downplaying that.) Who wants to be seen as bragging?
This is all a long-winded way of saying: I try to be as real as possible on this corner of the Internet, because painting some perfect picture of my life isn’t doing me—or you—any favors. I celebrate the awesome, but I let you know when I’m frustrated with myself, or when I’ve failed. Obviously I don’t share *all* of my struggles on the Internet, because that is what family, friends and a good therapist are for, but I also hope never to portray some super-awesome-amazing-with-no-problems life. Nobody’s life is perfect.
And: beware the Instagram effect.
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this. was. perfect.
Thank you!
I used to get so depressed looking at everyone's facebook pictures with all their friends, and i didn't have any it seemed. Turns out I just needed to bring a camera with me on occasion.
This is SO true. I won't post negative pictures (for the most part) but I do step away from social media when I'm having a bad day or string of days. You can always tell when I'm in one of those stages b/c I don't tweet and there are literally no pictures on IG.
Thanks for sharing...sometimes it does feel like everyone has a perfect life =)
Same, usually. Not in a purposeful hiding, but sometimes you need time to work through things. I'll sometimes post about the negative after the fact but usually after I've had a little time to process.
I feel women in particular are under such extreme pressure to present a "perfect" version of themselves through various social media channels. Interestingly enough, the posts/photos/tweets where I tend to get the greatest response are the ones where I'm being REAL and often times showing how IMPERFECT my existence actually is. Go figure!
I'm Michele's opposite.
I let it all hang out daily and probably more so on the, um, craptastic ones.
and I admire that about you :) You always do it in a very well-said way, though.
I am not one to leave comments on the blogs that I read but your post really resonated with me. I have actually stopped reading a lot of blogs because other bloggers, in my opinion, only write about there seemingly best selves and all of there amazing accomplishments. But to me, this is not real life. No one is perfect. I keep coming back to your blog because you seem real. I appreciate that you write about your accomplishments as much as your struggles. Thanks for doing what you do!
So true. It's really good to keep it all in perspective when reading blogs. I used to think some blogger really had it all together, but over time came to realize that they're just sharing the best parts of their lives. And I've stopped reading some blogs that sound too sugarcoated or glossed over - can't stand that. Bring on the real as much as possible.
Be careful what you wish for ;)
This is so crazy true! I was exactly like that in the past, thinking, "omg, everyone else had such a great weekend and mine was boring." I'm so glad I got a hold of those crazy thoughts or I'd be just that - CRAZY.
However, I do love the gram because it makes my sometimes mediocre food look amazing! haha! It's all perception!
What a great post! I think it's very important to try not to compare ourselves to others, but social media does make it very easy to do so.
This is really true. I definitely share the positives and leave out the negatives. The term "Instagram effect" is a good way to put it. I'm not instagramming the less than exciting or mundane...but I also wonder how much of the "truth" or less shiny people want to see. I think we could all benefit from people sharing the negative or not shiny every once in a while, but it gets a bit old if people are complaining or griping more than the opposite.
@Meghan: I mean - blogs are definitely a form of escapism, to get a glimpse into someone else's life, so it's natural that more positive than negative stuff is shared, because, you're right, who does want to read lots of complaining? But agreed, there could be less shiny edges, and I think there's constructive ways of doing that, too.