As I walked home from work today after another 12-hour day, I thought about what I could order for dinner.
I have literally nothing in my refrigerator right now, and even if I did, I had zero desire to cook anything at 9pm.
I started thinking about what I could order and started having a little fight with myself. (Internally, of course. I wasn’t that girl walking down Fifth Ave. talking to herself, although don’t put it past me.)
The first thing that came to mind was pad see yew. It was my default “I don’t want to cook, I’m going to order” meal when I lived in D.C. (Kanlaya, for any D.C. people.)
I deserve it, I told myself.
Seconds after I told myself I deserved it, I asked myself why I deserved it.
I’d like to think I keep a pretty moderate attitude about food. I try to eat healthily most of the time, but I really don’t think twice about it when I don’t, since I know, at this point, I can get back on track relatively quickly, and that I generally exercise enough to offset what I’m eating.
But thinking I “deserve” some sort of food? I think that’s a slippery slope to emotional eating, and with work being pretty intense right now, I’m not going to slip down that slope and gain back all the weight I worked so hard to lose.
I deserve taking care of myself. (Things my therapist and I talked about today.) That involves working out and eating the food that will take me through some stressful days. That involves making time for spending time with friends and family and making time to cook (I guess? haha) and making time to do the things that will keep me mentally healthy. That’s what I deserve.
Wine? Well, I always deserve that.
What do you do for yourself when you’re stressed? Are you an emotional eater? I was, and I know I still have the tendencies, but I try really hard to not give in to them…most of the time.
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I ran across your post via Twitter tonight, and I'm strangely comforted to know that I'm not the only one who's struggling on the edge of emotional eating tonight. While I know there are SOOO many people that experience it, there's often an alone feeling associated with it. It's just me and my takeout (for example.)
I don't have any magical answers on how to resolve it... but right now, I'm focused upon keeping myself BUSY. And, I'm making sure evening workouts are in tact so that I can workout instead of EAT.
Thanks for being a kindred spirit to me tonight. My post will publish in the morning, if you have any interest in reading a similar tale. xoxo
Emotional eating is such as slippery slope. There are so many positive emotions tied to eating, that it's hard to separate the negative. I've struggled with it BIG time in the past, but it's really just something that I've learned to take one day at a time. Your mind gets to you sometimes, but willpower eventually prevails.
Thank you for sharing your emotional eating woes... it's always nice to read something relatable. :)
Funny you posted this tonight because I did the same thing on the way home! It was around 9:30p, finally heading home, and the lure of drive-through was fierce. I mentally walked through everything in my kitchen of what I could possibly eat. I decided I needed to continue to eat healthy, stay within my calorie range for the day, AND save money.
I've had a really stressful last two weeks so wine was last nights reward but tonight, I went home, ate from the kitchen, and feel much better.
Proud of you for hanging in there and treating yourself well!
I am SUCH an emotional eater. Portion control is my biggest weakness as well. We have had guests here for three weeks (!!) and they're not that into healthy eating and I've watched my resolution fade and my waist get more and more bloated over those three weeks. I'm not blaming them at all, this is MY lack of control. They left today and I resolve to start afresh tomorrow!! I'm excited about eating hummus, carrots and yoghurt again.
It's an interesting one though, deserving food. I read a great quote....you're not a dog so don't reward yourself with food. I think there's a lot of truth in it but when we DO want to reward ourselves, what alternatives are there that aren't expensive and are fast and motivating? I have yet to find one. Apart from cheapo Sinful Colors nail varnish at Target!!!
@Cathryn @ myheartscontent: I do like that quote, cheesy as it may be.
I am such an emotional eater and I struggle with that every single day. But I keep reminding myself that I deserve to eat better and that usually sets me straight.
I'm a stress eater half the time, the other half I clean. Something about putting things away and getting rid of dirt & dust calms me down? Weird, eh?
@Amy @ running escapades: OMG, not at all. I overslept for my workout this morning and spent that little extra time I had between not working out and getting to work cleaning and it was kind of wonderful.
I'm totally a stress/emotional eater. It's a slippery slope for me as we'll, so I try really hard to get back on track and not beat myself up when I do slip. For me, it helps to try to have a balanced approach to food all the time, so even when I do slip, it's not so bad.
This post really hit home for me...thanks for that because I feel like with all the nonsense I have going on in my life right now I have been letting my healthy eating slip....a lot. I totally tell myself that "I deserve" certain foods because I had a bad day or some other silly reason when I know I will just feel crummier after. I am working on getting back on track and this post has definitely helped.
I am in the throes of emotional and binge eating right now. I actually went to my doctor the other day, because I need some help (the stress of my divorce has initiated the spiral). It's a very slippery slope to reward with food, or to use it to cope, but it's very difficult to make it (forever) go away. I'm not sure the desire to eat to soothe every goes away once you know that it can work, albeit temporarily.
I admire you for writing about this. You've come so far with your running and eating, but I know how scary it is to find yourself tempted by old patterns.
I always joke that I eat my feelings. I try really hard not to keep feelings (junk food) in my house but its a struggle. This week has been challenging and last night I left a team dinner feeling disgusting. I try to remember that feeling for as long as I can to try to avoid overeating in the future. Its not easy! Hang in there!