As I walked home from work today after another 12-hour day, I thought about what I could order for dinner.
I have literally nothing in my refrigerator right now, and even if I did, I had zero desire to cook anything at 9pm.
I started thinking about what I could order and started having a little fight with myself. (Internally, of course. I wasn’t that girl walking down Fifth Ave. talking to herself, although don’t put it past me.)
The first thing that came to mind was pad see yew. It was my default “I don’t want to cook, I’m going to order” meal when I lived in D.C. (Kanlaya, for any D.C. people.)
I deserve it, I told myself.
Seconds after I told myself I deserved it, I asked myself why I deserved it.
I’d like to think I keep a pretty moderate attitude about food. I try to eat healthily most of the time, but I really don’t think twice about it when I don’t, since I know, at this point, I can get back on track relatively quickly, and that I generally exercise enough to offset what I’m eating.
But thinking I “deserve” some sort of food? I think that’s a slippery slope to emotional eating, and with work being pretty intense right now, I’m not going to slip down that slope and gain back all the weight I worked so hard to lose.
I deserve taking care of myself. (Things my therapist and I talked about today.) That involves working out and eating the food that will take me through some stressful days. That involves making time for spending time with friends and family and making time to cook (I guess? haha) and making time to do the things that will keep me mentally healthy. That’s what I deserve.
Wine? Well, I always deserve that.
What do you do for yourself when you’re stressed? Are you an emotional eater? I was, and I know I still have the tendencies, but I try really hard to not give in to them…most of the time.