Channeling Grief Into Running

Hey, remember when I used to write about running and fitness more?

Yeah, me too. Ah, yes, back when life was more simple and running and fitness were a novelty, not something that I now depend on for my sanity.

Well, I have found the perfect way to channel and combine my grief and my running.

Teal Walk Ovarian Cancer Awareness

Remember when I did the Teal Walk? First with my mom, and then with my friends in memory of my mom. 

Teal Walk Ovarian Cancer

Well, Teal got charity bibs for the NYC Half this year, and I’m proud to be raising money for them and have another race, another goal, on the horizon. 

I’ve been doing Orangetheory again, and I’m really excited to see how all of this torture speed work pays off.

I would love to dream big and say I’m gunning for a new PR, but I’ll have to see how much running fitness I can recover in the next 3.5 months. It’s been a while since I’ve even gone sub-2, so I know that is at least my solid B goal, no matter what.

Do you have any big running goals right now?

My Eighth Annual Cookie Swap

Yesterday was a hard day.

Yesterday was a great day.

I’m thankful that the two can co-exist a bit better than they could a few months ago.

I woke up yesterday giddy with excitement for having all of my favorite women in the same place, and I went off to the gym to burn off some of the anxiety about throwing the *perfect* party.

I ran my heart out on the treadmill and left endorphin-wasted and happy and sweaty.

But then, alone again in my apartment, I felt so alone in the world. I thought about the time my mom had come to my cookie swap three years ago, and the other times I’d called her to tell her excitedly about how well it had gone playing hostess, proud of her teaching me to entertain and open up my home (or fave gym, same thing) to the people I loved.

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And I spent hours that I should have been cleaning and prepping sobbing and on the phone with my aunt and a dear friend who lost her parents young.

The other guests were set to come over at 2, but my gem of a BFF came over at 12:30 to help me finish the party prep.

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I’m not sure we had enough cheese?

Cookie Swap Preppy Runner

Llamas and cookies?

Preppy Runner Christmas

Although I started the day sad, my cold little heart grew a few sizes feeling warm, cozy and loved in my apartment with the, um, roaring fire and friends from different walks of life all gathered in one place to celebrate the holidays and eat and drink a little too much.

 

Just before my mom died, my dear friend Shannon told me my friends would help put me back together after falling apart, and yesterday, I got a wonderful taste of that.

I’m proud of myself for still holding the party, but I’m also proud of myself for not knowing where I’d be emotionally and scaling it way back and inviting far less people than I have before.