Whenever I’ve asked what you guys want to see more of, I get questions about my dating life. i usually completely deflect the question. It’s not something I’ve ever really wanted to talk about publicly.
Too many people read this blog! Coworkers, brands I work with, real-life friends, Internet friends, random people I went to high school with, and lord knows who else. I still maintain that I probably will never blog about the man I’m dating until I’m sure he’s the one, because I don’t want this blog to become a record of my romantic misadventures.
But, hey, I haven’t written a post that makes my heart race a little bit when I hit publish, so let’s go for this.
Last night, I went out for St. Patrick’s Day. I went to a party at Junior League, got into a cab to come home, and decided that I’d actually go meet some more Junior League friends at an Irish bar they were at.
I mean, my nails were green, and I was wearing a cute green dress. I couldn’t just go home. I had to do my Irish relatives proud, right?
When I was overweight, I really hated dating. I didn’t think there was any way anyone would ever date me. I tried halfheartedly, but I really hid behind my weight. I didn’t let anyone get close, because I thought once he realized I was overweight, he’d leave me. You know, because he couldn’t tell right off the bat?
I’m fairly outgoing with girlfriends, and with guys I’m not interested in, but I am absolutely, totally and painfully shy with any man I might be potentially interested in, because I’m terrified of being hurt.
When I lost weight, I did think it would change my dating life. That it would give me worlds of confidence I never had before. It very briefly did, but as I got used to my new body, that confidence retreated right back to where it came from.
I’ve had a whole bunch of conversations lately with different women in my life about dating. One of my friends said she loves going up to guys in bars, and that’s how she met her current boyfriend. “But aren’t you afraid of rejection?” I asked. She said that nine out of ten times, she got rejected, but she knew she had to take chances.
Since losing weight, I’ve tried to date but after putting myself out there and being rejected (or, you know, meeting total trolls), I’ve retreated back into my life of being single and fulfilled, but still wanting someone to share my life with.
I found a great article this morning a friend wrote about “missing being fat,” and so much of the dating stuff resonated with me, but I love how at the end she talked about easing herself into her body confidence.
I told some friends who don’t live here recently I was going to make myself date more this year. They asked how dating in NYC was. “It kind of sucks,” I told them, “but I can’t imagine leaving here right now, so I have to believe there’s someone out there in this big city for me.”
So, out I went last night, and (okay fine, maybe fueled by some Guinness) I danced like nobody was watching, rather than shyly and self-consciously. And what do you know? Two different guys came up to me to dance. I didn’t think about what it meant, or whether they liked me or not, or if they’d ever want to see me again (or vice versa.) I let that guard down and let these guys twirl me around.
And I had a lot of fun in that cheesy Irish pub.
Here’s to more of that.
No, but really. Give me your best dating tips/tell me how you met your significant other.
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Lady you are a CATCH and we all know it. You find the right guy and he is going to wrap is up, no question. So enjoy meeting lots of new people, the right one's out there (maybe an Irish dancer!)
Love this :)
xoxo
I live in NYC so I feel your pain of the dating process. I work long hours, followed by the gym, on top of a million other things I would rather do (or friends I'd rather hangout with) than participating in awkward dating interactions. The best thing I've found that works; meeting friends of friends by accepting social plans with acquaintances on the fringe of my normal group and oddly, trivia night at bars with random teams (asking a few people to
bring friends). It's an exhausting process no matter how you look at it but at least some of us are in it together.
@Britt: YES! Okay, fine. Let's hang out together, then. And do trivia nights. (OMG, I used to love trivia nights. I haven't done them in YEARS.)
@Theodora Blanchfield: See it takes me days to reply to a blog comment. A date prospect would just be plain hopeless! But for real if you want to do trivia, I'm down. Ya know, with a group, or it defeats the secret matchmaking purpose. I live in Midtown West and work in Meatpacking so I think we are probably in the same areas. Soulmate Hunt 2014. Or drinking through 2014. Same diff.
I met my husband at one of the divey-ist bars in Chicago, but I think it had more to do with the fact that I was in a really good place with myself at the time. Just keep putting yourself out there and eventually you'll find someone who makes you want to date!
@Katie @ Live Half Full: I have a friend who met her husband months after finding her dream job...I believe it! It definitely helps to be in a good place with the rest of your life, I'd imagine.
@Theodora Blanchfield: Definitely! And, it probably sounds like the most annoying advice ever because EVERYONE tells you this when you're single, but I really wasn't looking. I was just doing what made me happy in life and working on my career, getting in shape and making friends when it happened. So just keep living your life and working towards your amazing career and fitness goals!!!
I LOVE this post! I met my current bf when we were randomly assigned to be partners in a group project in college, 6 years ago. We started dating a few months later. I think my three biggest tips are 1. Be you, because you are awesome; 2. Be confident, believe you are awesome; 3. Sometimes it pays to be bold. Also, I think texting and the college hookup scene made dudes of our generation bad at dating and communicating. But don't let the duds get you discouraged.
Great post! And these comments are so spot on, love yourself first and love will following. Carrie Bradshaw obviously said it best: "the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."
I might my boyfriend when I joined a kickball league! It's a great way to meet new people in a laid back setting. A lot of our friends met at kickball as well. Look for a trivia league, or dodgeball or kickball, or bocce. Good luck!
Love this!! Hmm, dating tips? Go outside your comfort zone, that's where things happen!
If you want to meet a guy, go where the guys hang out! For example, the weight room at the fitness club is an ideal place. Men will help you rack weights, show you how to deadlift, and admire your muscles (as well as other body parts). Believe it or not, intelligent men do lift weights!
Brave post. Kudos and hugs. Your life is full and positive. You will find someone to share it with when the time is right. That will be one lucky guy.