When people ask what was the trigger for me to lose 50 pounds, I usually answer “my friend was getting married in Aruba, and I didn’t want to be the fat bridesmaid on the beach.”

That is true, and that is an easy way to say it, but in truth, it was a series of moments that finally made me feel that enough was enough.

Feeling too big in an airplane seat. Feeling gross after a weekend of indulgences. Not being able to fit into the largest size at the store.

I know the stats about how easy it is to gain back weight after you’ve lost it, and I know how much work it took to lose it. I know how happy I felt when I felt really comfortable in my body and the excitement of being able to buy clothes in a smaller size and to know I was taking care of my body.

And most of that has helped me to keep the weight off. That, and that I’ve truly adopted an active lifestyle. Most weeks, I work out at least 4-5 times per week. I’m training for my fourth marathon. I’ve completed 20 halfs and many other shorter races. I honestly enjoy working out now.

But food is a tricky mistress. We have to eat several times per day to sustain ourselves, and training for a marathon, I need to make sure I’m eating enough to both fuel my workouts and recover from them. I know what to eat, but I’m not eating it.

I’m turning to convenience far too often. I have a special love for Dunkin’ Donuts and Starbucks breakfast sandwiches that I can’t really explain. Nutrition-stat-wise, they’re not bad for you. They’re both roughly around 300 calories, which is fine. Ingredient list? LOL, I won’t even look. Pretty sure it’s full of crap I can’t pronounce. But easy and tasty.

And I’m an incredibly social person, who’s currently working from home and seizing every opportunity for human interaction at night. In NYC, most of that revolves around food. And alcohol. And you all know I love my wine. Now, I’m not saying I’m going out and getting drunk every night, but man, do those calories add up.

In Maine, I had two beers for lunch with my mom, and then later had three glasses of wine over the course of an evening. Was I drunk or making bad decisions other than drinking my calories? No, but over the course of that day, I easily had 500+ calories in just alcohol. I had a lobster roll for lunch with fries. And I felt disgusting. Bloated, my stomach bothering me and just gross.

I typically reach for dresses before pants/skirts just because I find it way easier to grab one garment than put together an entire outfit, but I’ve found myself reaching for dresses lately because they’re a bit more forgiving. There’s some clothes in my closet I won’t even touch because I figure they’ll be too snug right now.

Just as I’ve slipped into this routine of eating for convenience or fun rather than health, I’d like to slip back into eating for health. And thinking a bit more about my food, and making the healthier choice, which isn’t always the easier choice. Thinking through why I want to eat something. Thinking about how that extra glass of wine will make me feel sluggish for my run the next day. Thinking about how those French fries will likely upset my stomach.

Just breaking up a really text-heavy, serious post with a picture of Bailey. Carry on.

I read two interesting posts recently that kind of spurred this one:

One from Greatist about someone who counts calories, even though she thinks the system is flawed, and why. I thought this part was really interesting, and makes sense with why eating real food makes our bodies feel and work so much better.

“Researchers compared the “thermic effect of food” (TEF, or the energy your body uses to actually process and absorb what you’re eating) following the consumption of a whole food grilled cheese sandwich (multigrain bread with whole grain and intact sunflower seeds along with cheddar cheese) versus a processed food grilled cheese sandwich (white bread and Kraft singles).

“Generally a person’s TEF is thought to account for 10 percent of their day’s total calorie burn. What this experiment found was that the whole food grilled cheese, while equal in calories as well as in protein, carb, and fat ratios, required nearly 50 percent more energy to absorb than its highly processed counterpart. This means the calories available to your body for storage can be much higher when they come from processed foods versus whole.”

I also read a great post from Emily, who just moved out to Oregon for a new job and is trying to balance being social and making friends in a new town (and um WORKING FOR A BREWERY!) with her fitness goals.

SarahOUaL wrote about giving up sugar/booze to help her meet her own goals.

Great reminders about fueling our body with the right stuff.

I want to break that damn sub-4 in November. I don’t want to suck in in pictures or not wear clothes that I love because I don’t feel comfortable with my body right now.

When I started this weight-loss thing, I weighed around 189. 190 sounded scary to me because it was close to 200. I’m currently somewhere between 144 – 149 depending on the day, and 150 is that ceiling number that I don’t want to hit. I don’t care if I don’t get back down to my lowest of 135-137, but I just want to get back to feeling comfortable in my body again.

Enough is enough. I’m going to start thinking more about food, more strength training (Uplift later today!) and less wine. Yeah, this isn’t the first time I’ve written a post like this, nor, probably, will it be the last. Weight maintenance isn’t easy, and there are sure as hell will be setbacks along the way. But as long as I recognize them before they go too far, I’m happy.

What’s your enough-is-enough moment and what’d you do when you realized it?