If you’re here because of your own loss, I’m so, so sorry to see you here. But also, welcome.

I’m not a grief therapist or counselor, I’m just a girl who lost her mom, her best friend, at 34, and is trying to write her way out of grief.

Here’s what I’ve learned along the way, and here’s some of the resources that have helped me. And, please know that I am always here to listen — email me at theodora at preppyrunner dot com if you just need to vent <3

My Mom’s Cancer Journey

November 2015: My mom is diagnosed with ovarian cancer.

July 8, 2016: My mom goes into remission. YAY! We, foolishly, think/hope it will be forever…

September 2016: My mom and I do the TEAL walk together to raise money and awareness to fight ovarian cancer.

October 2016: We film the above video for Daily Burn 365. 

October 2016: We travel to Newport, RI (I’m really sad to realize I didn’t blog about that at the time!) to celebrate my mom being in remission.

November 2016: #fuckcancer, it comes back.

December 2016: She needs an emergency bowel resection because Avastin, the chemo she’s on, causes a bowel perforation. This emergency procedure, just before Christmas, is what we look back on now as the beginning of the end.

January 2017 — June 2017: Honestly, just hell. The toughest months of my life, maybe even tougher in some ways than after she died. One thing after another, hospital stay after hospital stay, more chemos that don’t work, attempting to pay out of pocket for something, anything, that will save my mom’s life.

July 7, 2017: several days after my mom has been put on hospice, and the night before she dies, I had this magical night with my friends.

July 8, 2017: a date that will forever remain etched in my brain, my mother passes away from ovarian cancer. 

Grief

The special jewelry my dear friend Erica made to honor my mom and donate the proceeds to ovarian cancer research.

You remember how people make you feel — a sweet story (if I do say so myself) about my mama

Uplift, my favorite studio in the city, did a charity workout in honor of my mom

Taking a griefcation to LA (the genesis of my idea for the grief-cation piece below)

TEAL Walk: I did this with my friends to honor my mom. After doing it with my mom the year before, I’m not sure I was prepared for how hard this would be, but I’m still glad I did it.

Realizing how much strength I gather from running

But, I was so scared to run the marathon without her cheering me on

Finally, achieving some kind of re-entry after grief.

My Writing Elsewhere on Grief and Ovarian Cancer

Women’s Health: I Was Hospitalized For Depression, Even Though My Life Looked Great from The Outside

Modern Loss: My BFF Makes ‘Your Mom’ Jokes About My Dead Mom — And I Love Her For It

Mic: The benefits of a grief-cation: How travel helped me deal with losing my mom to cancer

Daily Burn: What Every Woman Should Know About Ovarian Cancer

Medium: What Is Strength, Anyway?

The Stripe: Running Through Grief