To be honest, every day I still don’t have a job, I wake up with my heart pounding.
The days that I have interviews or meetings are stressful, but having something that I need to do makes me feel like I’m not a waste of space.
I’m trying to freelance and create some of my own work so that I feel like I’m accomplishing something, rather than just being a drain on society and not furthering my career, but it’s still hard.
Especially days like today when there’s nothing I *have* to do. (Of course, all week, I was waiting for a day like today so I could relax.)
So I tried to do calm-making things.
I cleaned my kitchen.
I went to a yoga class.
And then some dude walked in half an hour late, made a big show of throwing all his stuff down loudly, sighing, and then walking out twenty minutes early. (It was an hour class, so he was only there for ten minutes. Um?) Thanks for interrupting my zen, buddy. There was also a woman next to me breathing so loudly that I first thought it was the air conditioning. I finally unwound by the end of the class, and then I walked out and the late dude and his wife were having a loud fight with their child. In the gym. And then I got in the elevator and heard a woman tell her friend that she “owed effing $40,000 because of his mistake.”
You know you live in NYC when the zen lasts for about three minutes after class.
But I was still determined not to let any of these people mess with my zen, so I went to another happy place: the running store. I’m obviously trying to curb my spending, but running socks and Gu definitely count as necessities during marathon training.
I’m trying new socks, because my feet seem to be swelling a bit with all this summer running, and I’m trying new fuel for my 15-miler tomorrow so that I don’t bonk. I definitely under-fuel on my long runs. (I’m not planning on taking all of that tomorrow!) Running retail therapy always helps.
I realized my diet has been lacking a bit in green veggies lately, so I stopped at the Stiles Farmers Market on my way home. (Well, to be honest, I stopped at Whole Foods first, just picked up kale and spinach and immediately put it down when I saw the length of the line.) If you ask me, this market is definitely a hidden gem in Hell’s Kitchen. It’s not the least bit fancy, but it has fresh produce at awesome prices. These two big bags were $14.00. Serious win.
I came home, sauteed a tiny bit of kale in olive oil and put it over my scallops and couscous from the other night, and sprinkled it all in nutritional yeast for a little extra flavor.
I was still feeling motivated to do more things for myself, so I tried my own take on Mama Pea’s dough balls. (Yes, I’m so late to this party.)
I did a little substitution: all whole-wheat flour instead of mixing whole wheat and regular; sunflower butter for peanut butter; all chocolate chips instead of peanut butter chips and no powdered sugar.
I haven’t baked them yet, but the dough tastes good!
Zen achieved.
