I had a gastro appointment this morning. My stomach’s been bothering me for the past few months, and I was hoping for some answers. I know so much of it is stress, and I’m trying to manage it as best as I can, but apparently I can’t fool my stomach.

He asked my symptoms (basically a lot of needing to run urgently to the bathroom), and immediately said, “Yup. Sounds like IBS.”

Um…I know. My bowels are clearly irritated. That’s why I’m here, buddy.

He’d tested me for celiac last year, and all tests (including the genetic one) came back negative. So when he said he was going to test the antibodies that indicate celiac and shoved a needle into my arm before I could ask why, I was clearly a little confused. When he had to switch arms to get blood out of a different vein, I was frustrated and confused. It turns out 1 percent of those who are not genetically predisposed to celiac still end up with it anyway. So, um, thanks for being so thorough? Or something?

“Is Immodium working for you?”

“Well, yes, but…” [this is where I would have continued “but I don’t want to live on a lifetime of choking back Immodium.]

“Great, then stick to that.”

“Um????? Is there anything else I can do?”

“You could try cutting back on wheat.

“Okay. Anything else?”

“Yeah. Don’t eat raw vegetables.

“Yeah, I don’t. Oh, and I’ve been drinking a lot less coffee and that seems to help.”

“Oh good! Yeah, caffeine is a stimulant to your digestive tract.”

So, needless to say, I was a little frustrated that I didn’t get more answers. I think I’m going to look for a second opinion (so if you know of a helpful gastro in NYC, I’m all ears), and also experiment on my own. I’m going to stick with no coffee and experiment with cutting back on gluten and see how those work out for me. I’m also going to try to eat smaller meals more frequently so that my body has less to digest.

But this may be me until I figure out how to go without coffee. I miss it like crazy, but I don’t miss feeling like I need to be around a bathroom 24/7.