After a big race, there is a lot that goes through my brain.

Usually first is, when can I eat?

This comment from Emily is 100% accurate. When I thought that something was going to stand in between me and eating post race, I nearly freaked the hell out. (And I’m generally a pretty low-key person. Until you get in between me and my food.)

The Next Race / ALL THE RACES

After I get some food in me, I start to turn my thoughts to The Next Race.

As we sat at Churchkey and Emily and Laura tried to talk me into the Vermont City Marathon, I pulled out my phone and pulled up the McMillan Running Calculator. I felt much more confident about sub-4:00 (you know, whenever I do actually decide on my next marathon) after hitting 1:50, but I was curious to see what the calculator would say.

WELL, OKAY!

The marathon at an 8:52 pace sounds really scary. 26.2 miles under a 9-minute pace? I don’t know about that… but the 49:29 10K and 1:22 10-miler sound more doable.

And all of a sudden, I want to race a 10K and a 10-miler soon. And/or top off my half training with some marathon training.

I most definitely want to find another half soon. My next half is Brooklyn in May and then Zooma June 1, but I need this sooner.

How did I do it?

I’d say my training was about 80% where I wanted it to be. I have a much harder time devoting myself to half training than to full training, because I know that I will die if I am undertrained for 26.2; 13.1 I know I can generally pull off. There’s been some stuff going on that I haven’t blogged about, but honestly, I had a hard time completely devoting myself to my training.

But the training I got in? My speedwork was damn spot-on, and I channeled that uncomfortable feeling during the last mile or so of the race. I finally got really into yoga (for me.) I’ve been going to Uplift for strength. I think all of that really helped.

But could I have done better?

Yes, sure. I ran my heart out, and I am truly happy with my time (hi, 5 minute PR), but I also know that I was so damn close to sub-1:50 and there must have been a few spots where I could have dug deeper and gone sub-1:50.

But do I want to keep training?

I’m always so split about this after a big race. Part of me really wants to just do whatever workouts I want to, but another part of me wants to have a training plan to keep me on track. I also have a tri coming up in June, so I’ll need to turn my training to that soon.

Am I alone? Do you have a million thoughts like this after a big goal race? Do you usually want to keep training hard or are you excited to back down and focus on other exercise?

Well, this looks a little different from my usual running route, right?

I was in NJ this weekend for my high school friend Marisa’s baby shower, so I ran in NJ.

I’m so excited for her! She’s due in May, but I chose to hear she’s due on Cinco de Mayo. Cinco de Baby?

I ended up sleeping for 12 hours on Friday night, so a run pre-shower didn’t happen, and the shower went long, so a run afterwards didn’t happen. I was kind of bummed at myself, but it was what it was.

I woke up this morning and, quite honestly, had no desire to run. 15 miles? I was tired, my bed was wonderful, I didn’t want to run alone, running in NJ is more boring than running in NYC.

[Side note on suburban running? Or at least suburban Bergen County running? Cars will literally drive over the yellow line to avoid coming anywhere near you…which, you know, probably creates its own problems.]

I woke up and did sunflower butter on an English muffin with a banana, puttered around some more, and finally got going around 10 or 10:30.

I still wasn’t feeling it, so I popped in one headphone and got going. I rarely run with headphones, so I reserve headphones for when I really need them: when I’m not feeling motivated or when spending hours with my own thoughts is the last thing on earth I want to do. Today? Both.

I know how negative self-talk can really sabotage a run, so I tried early on to reframe my thoughts. THIS IS GREAT! YOU’RE HAVING FUN! WHAT A GREAT RUN! I didn’t get pissed at myself (which sometimes happens when I try to talk myself happy during a run), but I didn’t totally turn things around either, though it did help a bit. I stopped to take a Gu at mile 6, and hoped and prayed that the run would get better.

It had gone from just not being into it mentally to my body not cooperating either. Upset stomach, fatigued legs, tight chest. DEAR GU, PLEASE DO YOUR MAGIC.

Spoiler alert: they forgot to sprinkle the magic in the Gu, and the run never got better.

Around mile 7 I stopped at Dunkin’ to use the bathroom and saw this ice cream truck. It looks delicious now, but at the time, it made my stomach turn even more to think about digesting dairy.

Somewhere around mile 8, I realized how depleted I felt and that I didn’t want to run myself down any further so close to my goal race, and I made the decision to end at 9 miles and call it a day. My mom met me at Starbucks (yay suburban running?) and gave me a ride home. I felt a little weak as I got in the car, so I know I made the right decision as frustrating as it was.

I emailed Jess basically the second I stopped to tell her how (poorly) the run had gone. She reminded me to eat healthy, stretch, recover and take it easy this week and “shake it off.” I stopped for a soy latte and tried to let it go. Tomorrow is a new day, and I have 5 more days to rest and get this bad run behind me.

Bad run, great race?