Warning: This is a particularly pathetic post.

one-twenty-five:

It’s going to be hard for me to get my thoughts onto paper in a that-makes-sense-type-of-way… especially as I think I’m a unique soul and others don’t experience what I’m about to say, but I shall try….

There are two moments I often encounter. Two opposite moments that always occur in sequence.

Moment #1 is when I’m encountered with delicious (bad) food, cough truffles cough.  It’s the moment when I go to reach for the bad food, cough truffles cough, knowing I should not.

Knowing how much I want to lose weight, knowing it is a very bad idea, knowing fully well I’m screwing myself, but nonetheless I sneak a truffle when no one is watching, take two but make it look like I took one, or simply just eat way too many.

It’s a moment of weakness when I simply do not care about the past or future, and simply live in the present; devouring the food, no matter the consequence.  Right before I eat said bad food, I can even think of cute dresses, boys, this blog, my mom, sister and everything else that should motivate me to lose weight, but I still eat the item of bad food, cough truffles cough, as I simply, in that moment, just.don’t.care.

The second moment follows shortly after.   It’s the moment of, “Oh fuck, what did I just do? Why didn’t I just say no? I’m such an idiot, I’m so full, why did I do it? I’m officially a fat cow. I’ll never let that happen again…” I usually encounter this moment right as I swallow the last bit of bad food.

It’s like clock works; moment #1 occurs, and then shortly after moment #2.

Most likely this makes no sense to any of you, but this is a real problem of mine; these moments of weaknesses.  I have no idea how to work on this problem, but luckily these moments are occurring less and less, but eegads, unfortunately one occurred today, cough truffles cough, and it reminded me of how easy it is just to take the easy route and make the wrong decision.

Not pathetic, nor is she alone in this!!!!!

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