What if?

What if you didn’t lose the weight?

That’s actually a question I’ve gotten a lot lately. What if I had started this very public blog and then I hadn’t lost the weight I said I was going to?

First of all, I had maybe 10 percent of the readers I do today…so I would have “failed” in front of a lot less people.

To be honest, there was no option in my head this time to not reach my goal. I was 26 and was sick of hiding my body on the beach under a tankini or a strategically placed armor of trying to be the funny girl so nobody would realize I was overweight. I didn’t want to watch the rest of the bridal party in Aruba share clothes without thinking about it and be the one who couldn’t, because I was at least 4 or 5 sizes larger than anyone else.

When I started this blog, I’d already lost about 10 pounds, so I knew I was going to do it. This blog wasn’t a kick start to get my act together; it was to keep me motivated.

I had committed myself to losing the weight, but I think it was also the encouragement I got from reading other blogs that helped me along. Oh? Other people are doing the same thing? I can totally do this.

But if I had struggled more? I would have kept going with this blog, being honest about my struggles as well as my successes.

I think the immediacy of my goal—that I was going to Aruba—helped. It was really easy to visualize myself happy and healthy in Aruba. I knew at the time that it was now or never. I didn’t really know MaryBeth’s bridesmaids and I was a little worried I wouldn’t fit in, so I changed what I was most self-conscious about.

If I hadn’t lost the weight, I don’t think I’d be as happy right now. It’s not losing the weight that made me happy (though that doesn’t hurt!), it was finding my confidence again.

If I hadn’t lost the weight…I probably wouldn’t be eating oatmeal right now.

[Blueberry oatmeal from the cafeteria.]

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