A few years ago I was really upset that Iâ€™d gained some weight and weighed 143 pounds.
Looking back at that post, all I can think is â€œthatâ€™s cute.â€ I now weigh nearly 20 pounds more than that.
My clothes arenâ€™t fitting well, and Iâ€™m looking at every recent photo of myself and critiquing it.
Like this one, from the run last weekend. All I see is the â€œfluffâ€ around my midsection, and Iâ€™m not talking about the tutu.
Or this one of me and my intern, where all I see my puffy face.
Earlier this week, I emailed TinaÂ and told her I wanted to try her meal planning service again â€” I know I have the knowledge of how to eat well and lose weight, but I really need the accountability.
Yeahâ€¦no emotional eating here. (I gained weight basically as soon as my mom got sick.)
Iâ€™m reading 13 Things Mentally Strong People Donâ€™t Do, and one section talks about a guy who wanted to lose weight but basically was afraid of changing his lifestyle â€” and it hit SO close to home. Yes, I love going out and drinking wine with my friends, but the frequency Iâ€™m doing it is not serving me AT ALL.Â
Tina and I decided Iâ€™d start the meal plan next week, but I have to admit that Iâ€™ve had a really hard time with body image since finally acknowledging all of this earlier this week and not ignoring it.
I texted with Tina earlier and told her all of this and she gave me a really good pep talk.
Iâ€™m not sure what my goal weight is, to be honest â€” itâ€™s more about how I look and feel than an actual number, truly â€” but Iâ€™ve lost 50 pounds. I can do this.Â At least, thatâ€™s what Iâ€™m telling myself right now.
And Iâ€™m going to blog/IG about it as much as I can.Â
Any advice on losing weight aÂ second time? Or things you want me to write about in this?