Full of Love

Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

On my yoga retreat, I wrote down that my intention for the year was to be more open-hearted. I was primarily thinking romantically but also being more vulnerable to love all around.

And I am so full of love right now. Honestly, to the point it feels a little weird because my heart has never been this abundantly open before.

As I sat across from my therapist in the sun yesterday, I was filled with love. (OK, hi, also transference.) As my physical therapist sank her fist into my piriformis, I was also still filled with love. (And pain, but I digress.) As I flowed through yoga this morning, I was filled with love. I just want to tell everyone I love them right now?

But there are no coincidences, and I know my mom is behind all of this.

As I was searching my email for something last week, I found an email from her that said “a day without pasta is like a day without sunshine.” (Truth.) Then a comment on a blog post I wrote years ago when I was sick, and she said she’d bring me in soup.

The signs kept coming.

A sign for a wifi password that was “spaghetti.” The next night at Whole Foods, I looked up and saw “Mom’s Chicken Noodle Soup” next to “Nana’s Chicken Soup.” (Nana is what we called my grandma.)

My cousin telling me her mom (my aunt/mom’s sister) had a dream that my mom and nana were together.

Laying in savasana in my favorite deeply soulful yoga class, feeling my mom’s presence all around me and her telling me she was there and she was OK.

I sat shaking in my car, I was so overwhelmed with emotion.

I’m feeling really loved and protected as I’m open-hearted right now.

And, reader, I love you too ❤️

A Tiny Life Hack

Some days I just wake up in a dark place, and I can’t get out of it. I look out at the ocean and don’t give a fuck that it’s there, and then I beat myself up for not appreciating this amazing place I live. I know I should appreciate it, but my brain just can’t get on board.

“What if you started your days with a positive affirmation?” my therapist asked. “I say a little prayer every morning before I wake up to set the tone for my day.”

I’ve been saying “thank you for giving me another day” every day since I wake up, and so far it’s been a helpful way to start my day.

“And what do you do when you first wake up?” she asked…knowing my answer.

“I, um, roll over and check Instagram…” I replied sheepishly. “But! I’ve been taking an Instagram break!” (At the time, it had been a whole 24 hours.)

“Well, no wonder you’re starting your day with all these negative feelings—think of all you’re consuming from the moment you wake up, immediately comparing yourself to others’ workouts, travel, whatever.”

If you’re anything like me, it’s probably become a reflex at this point to check Instagram or other social media in moments of boredom, and/or first thing in the morning or last thing at night.

I’ve been signed out of my Instagram all week other than for a little while today, and I’ve found a really healthy replacement for myself.

While I was trying to think of affirmations, I downloaded Gabby Bernstein’s Miracles Now card app, based on her Miracles Now book. The app (which isn’t free, it’s $4.99, boo) has 62 different affirmations. (The cards are also available in a physical form if that’s more your jam.)

Now, when I want to check Instagram, I look on the app instead to get an affirmation, which feels much better than refreshing Instagram looking for that elusive hit of dopamine.

As I said, part of the reason I’m chilling it on Instagram is to stop the comparison game. As soon as I downloaded the app, this is the FIRST affirmation I saw. Hi, Universe, I hear you.

(Another Instagram strategy is to only follow accounts that are positive/good for your mental health. I have unfollowed most people I was following from my dog’s Instagram and am now following positivity and positive psychology accounts, so that if I *do* feel like scrolling, I’m seeing good stuff.)

I’m certainly not off the ‘gram for good, but as I’m focusing on school and what fills me up (writing, not scrolling), this feels good right now.

Any little life hacks that have helped you lately?