At lunchtime today, I walked to Chipotle to get my favorite chicken tacos with guac in corn tortillas, and I called my mom.
She’s been sick for the past few days, so I expected she’d be home. When she didn’t answer at home, I called her cell phone and asked her just what she thought she was up to. She should be resting! (Oh yes. Giving her a taste of her own medicine!)
“Well, I’m feeling a little better…and since I gave up ice cream for Lent…I had to go to the bakery.”
“Oh really? Don’t you think you should be having some soup or something healthy?”
(I’m really only like this with my parents–I care about them a tremendous amount and want them to keep themselves healthy. Yeah, I know they need to want to do it on their own, but a little push never hurt, eh?)
“Oh, I am. I’m having an apple turnover. There’s apple in it!”
“Right. And butter, and a million cups of sugar…”
“But there’s apple in it!”
“Mom, thanks for teaching me how to trick myself into anything being healthy.”
She was throwing out some ridiculous justifications at me, so I asked her to write some down and send them to me to post.
Apple turnovers–why they are nutritioius and heathy? Lots of apples! Eat one a day.
Also, brownies, with lots of chocolate, are high in antioxidants and keep high blood pressure down. [Clearly my mom is not a doctor.)
Lasagna, with all that cheese and tomato sauce and protein, all wrapped in one, layer after layer, all in one dish, and keeps you filled till dessert. [And beyond.]
Spaghetti with meatballs–serve a least one a week, a must! Left over meatballs and veal cutlets and eggplant for lunch, be the only one without boring peanut and jelly and bologna for lunch. Be the envy of all your friends at school, with the only oily lunch bag. [I was totally this kid.]
Pancakes for breakfast–start the day with a hearty breakfast!
Desserts when having company for dinner–always have three: chocolate cake, ice cream cake and lemon pie. After all, aren’t lemons good for you?
What are the most ridiculous ways you justify a food’s “healthiness” to yourself? My personal favorite is sweet potato fries. Clearly they are so much better for you than regular french fries.