I feel so alive. May I hazard to say, more alive than I’ve ever felt?
I have a job I love so very much with supportive and amazing coworkers turned friends. It challenges me each and every day, and it’s something I’m so passionate about.
I finished a huge volunteer commitment that was something I never thought I could do, and that many times throughout those two years, I didn’t think I could do.
But sure, it’s easy to say the secure and what we’ve accomplished make us feel alive, right? The stuff that puts the wind in our sails?
What about the stuff that sometimes make us stop and catch our breath and wonder what the hell we’ve gotten ourselves into?
I think that’s what makes us feel alive, and that’s what I’ve been going for the past few months, with the support of people who believe me in before I believe in myself.
A few months ago, I decided to commit myself more to dating. And I have been, slowly. A few months ago, Lacey and I went to an Uplift book discussion for the Alpha Woman Meets Her Match. (I haven’t read the book or think I’m an alpha woman, but I was still really interested to hear what the author had to say as well as the discussion that would ensue.) Long story short, we all ended up going out for some more wine after and talking to Dr. Sonya Rhodes about our own romantical lives, or lack thereof.
“You need to date more,” she said. “And yes, you will get hurt. That’s part of it.” I heard a Jillian Michaels podcast recently, too, talking about hurting more by not taking those chances on something that could make you happy.
In the Hamptons, Heather and I had some deep conversations (warning: Theodora + wine generally equals either deep convo or telling you you are my favorite person in the world)…and I finally just let a whole lot go. She made a great analogy: I’d taken a lot of chances moving to NYC, losing weight, going for my dream job, running races – why was I afraid elsewhere? It was a major breakthrough, and gave me a new perspective. Something told me to take the chance on this share house with this friend I barely knew, and I’m glad I did. It’s already meant a lot more to me than just a few awesome weekends of partying out where it doesn’t feel like real life.
And that tri thing: I talked with my coach tonight and laid out all of my tri fears. She gave me some solid tips about the bike: try to gain some extra momentum before you get to that hill so you have more power going up it. She also talked about giving me some more bike drills, similar to the idea of run drills. We talked very candidly about her assessment of my abilities. She was honest that until I committed to my road bike and to an Olympic-distance tri, she wasn’t quite sure how committed I was. But she knows that since I’ve been working on my biking and my swimming, my heart’s in it. It still makes me nervous, but I’m just going to keep on pushing through that, one workout at a time.
I didn’t originally post anything about doing the NYC Tri, because I was initially kind of scared. (Also, it was a last-minute decision – I managed to get a media bib just a few weeks out.) But hey, it’s next weekend, and I’m actually really freaking excited for it.
Oh, and I ran with three-time Ironman Kona champion Craig Alexander this morning at a media event. I nearly slept in, but how often do you get to run with Ironman champions? As I crossed Central Park South to get to the meeting spot, I thought of how far I’ve come. I was considered fitness media. Running with an Ironman champion.
I’m trying new things. I might fail. I might get hurt. (Hopefully, emotionally, not physically, should any hurt occur.) But I could finish something I never thought I could. I could fall in love. This is the summer of possibilities. Letting go of baggage feels good.
What makes you really and truly feel alive?