Last week, a good friend and I met up for a glass of wine before potentially meeting up with two fellows.
I was a bit nervous, and as a good friend/really freaking intuitive person, she could tell.
“What are you nervous about?” she asked. “No, no, no. Actually, let’s focus on the positive. You’re going to walk in like you own the place. Tell me 10 things you love about yourself right now.”
I immediately clammed up and felt like the entire bar was staring at me, even though it was only my friend looking at me expectantly, waiting for my response, because she wanted me to feel confident and she wanted this guy to see all the great things in me that she sees as a friend.
“Um, this is really uncomfortable,” I told her.
“Why? You’re awesome.”
I think I’m pretty real with sharing my highs and lows on this little site, but confidence is certainly something I’m working on and may always be a work in progress.
I knew I wanted to write about this conversation I had with my friend, because I knew some of you would identify, but I debated with myself if I’d share my 10 things I love about myself. What if you disagreed? Well, some of you probably will disagree. And after six years of putting myself out there on the Internets, that’s something I’m okay with and used to. Some of you will think this is a narcissistic exercise and a first-world problem. And you are right, too. But if I can help even one of you start to reframe how you think about yourself, it’s worth it.
A few interesting things I’ve read on confidence lately:
The Confidence Code: Written by two journalists, this book examines the link between women and a lack of confidence through research and interviews with successful women. Even the most successful women they talked to still struggled with confidence. But it’s that struggle — and how it affects our actions — that holds us back.
This Book Will Make You Confident: Part of a series written by a therapist and a journalist, this little book (I say little because it is pocket-sized!) is like putting a therapist in your purse. There’s a really interesting “mind map” for negative thoughts showing how your negative thoughts can actually become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and how you can challenge those thoughts.
I asked on Twitter what y’all thought, because I was curious, and I LOVE Abby’s answer:
@tblanchfield YES and NOT ONE BIT. I’m proud of who I am and how far I’ve come!
— Abby (@Abby_NYC) March 7, 2015
So, without furthier ado, here’s mine, with the caveat this list didn’t come easy to me:
1. I love my thick, straight, blond hair.
2. I’m really honest. Like, to a fault. I cannot lie to people I love or respect.
3. I’m good at my job.
4. I have a great sense of humor.
5. I’m fun to be around.
6. I’m loyal. Again, to a fault.
7. I’m intelligent.
8. I’m athletic.
9. I’m a good problem solver.
10. I’m a good friend.
So you tell me — would you have a hard time if a friend asked you this right now? What do you love about yourself right now?
Love this. I saw your post about this the other day and have thought about it several times since.. Like, maybe this is our key to finding our #petdads…. Start owning how aweosme we are!
Oh in the spirit of the post: I love that I’m tall … And funny. Duh. Ha. 🙂
@Liz H: It totally is. You are tall and funny and I am BUMMED I am missing you this weekend! We should have coordinated races better.
I am with you, it would be hard for me to initially name things, but that being said, we all SHOULD be able to list ten things that are great about ourselves, right? So awesome list. And awesome you.
My friend Denise and I were laid off around the same time a few years back and we created a champagne fueled “funemployment game” where we asked each other to name one thing we liked about ourselves to pick us up during low moments. It actually worked!
I can vouch for most of these and add a few more:
You are really understanding when a breastfeeding friend has to pump two feet away from you in the middle of the night before a race.
You pour wine in hotel glasses without spilling a drop.
You rock sparkly headbands like nobody I’ve ever seen.
Your banana phone skills are OFF THE HOOK (see what I did there? huh?).
You always respond to GChat messages and make me feel better.
You are loyal, sweet and not afraid to call someone out on their crazy.
You are my friend for life.
@Katy Widrick: AW! <3 Sometimes I think I have nightmares about that pump, though...
Fake it until you make it!!!! Great list and I agree with all and there are many, many more 🙂 And you owned it that night! Keep up the great work!
<3 Also lucky to have good friends to push me out of my comfort zone!
You are the best! Miss you 🙂
I think this is a great post because, as women, we are always beating ourselves up. How many times do we say my thighs are big or I wish my waist was smaller? Theodora – I think you’re on to something! All women should do this on a regular basis. I am good at relationship building at my work place and make a mean chocolate chip cookie.
Can I have a cookie?
Just fyi, the idiom is “to a fault” not default. 🙂
Thanks! I actually remembered that while I was in the shower this am.
You do have a good sense of humor! So how did the date go?!
What a great friend! We should ALL be making a list like this.
Uggggg, I am 100% not brave enough to make this a blog post of mine own. So instead i’ll do it here…
1. I love that I can be in many different situations. I grew up (and currently live) in a small hick town, but I’m also perfectly happy in big cities.
2. I love being able to make connections. My friend’s call my chelsea clinton because no matter where I go, I run into someone I know.
3. I love talking to anyone. I may not like to, but if need be, I can have a full conversation with anyone.
4. I love how independent I can be. Sure some support from a boyfriend would be nice, but I have managed just fine on my own.
5. I love how close I am to my mom’s parents. They’re super sweet and always offer to let me stay with them when I want.
6. I love that I have lots of different groups of friends. I’d love a best friend, but having different people I go to for different things is very nice!
7. I love that I can set goals and work towards them.
8. I love that I have completed a marathon, it was barely under 6 hours, but I did it!
9. I love my personal style, classic/preppy, I prefer to look nice and appropriate, a trend is fun every now and then, but nothing crazy or uncomfortable.
10. I love my natural blonde hair, I haven’t had to highlight it yet but I’m thinking in the next year I might start.
Love yours 🙂 Also, as someone who’s been highlighting her hair since she was 15…hold off as long as you can!
I love this post! I feel like I would have a hard time after about 5 things? It definitely feels awkward to talk yourself up and also is so hard for me to focus on positive over negative. I think you should add a great sense of style to your list! I am leaving on a trip tomorrow and you can bet it will be all Lilly everything.
I went through a divorce several years ago and saw a therapist on a regular basis. He had me create a list of 100(!!!!) positive attributes about myself. It took me several months to create that list. I still have it and refer to it sometimes. People who know or meet me are often surprised that I struggle with self-confidence, but I do.
You have a good friend to make you do this. And by the way, I’ve never met you, but I would totally want to be friends with you. I find you funny, intelligent, and motivating.
I’m going to add those books to my “to read” list right now!
I’d probably feel a bit hesitant at first, but I really DO know that I’m pretty awesome and I believe we all need to take more time to celebrate our awesomeness and the awesomeness of our friends.
So when I saw this on Facebook, my best friend and I talked about it for quite a while.
We both struggled. It was for a mix of reasons – somewhat feeling egotistical/uncomfortable, and in my case, I had trouble getting to “love.” I kept coming up with things I like about myself, which, while cool, aren’t (for me) the same thing.
Things I love about myself, to me, should be things that are about who I am. So I can like my funky earring collection, and I can like that I’m the kind of person to have a funky earring collection, but the things I LOVE about myself are, like, I will give anyone a second chance or third chance or fourth chance if they ask for/want one.
But 10 of those… ugh. I’m not sure I know myself well enough, which I’m finding out in many ways as I go through a divorce and start a new job and deal with all the introspective crap that comes with both!
Oh wow – sorry to hear about your divorce. Thinking about you with these life changes <3