I’ve been thinking a lot about self-acceptance lately.
When I was in Puerto Rico with my girlfriends a few weeks ago, I looked in the mirror one day and thought “oof, you look like you’re in your 30s.”
Well, guess what? I am in my 30s.
I see no reason not to throw a gratuitous Jillian MIchaels shot in here.
As I tried on my Rent the Runway dress the other night, I was kind of in between sizes and not crazy about how either looked. I went to try on this dress:
And it wouldn’t zip up the last few inches.
I was bummed.
I thought my face and body looked puffy.
But whether they did or they didn’t, I was determined to not let how I felt ruin my evening. I accepted that I probably haven’t been making the best dietary choices and resolved to move on. I was eating really well at that time. I’d just started a new job and while I was still trying to figure out my workouts, I was so on point with my eating.
If I’m being honest with myself, I could probably stand to lose about 10 pounds right now. Not getting on the scale since before Christmas hasn’t worked for me. Personally, to maintain weight loss, I need to see that number. While the scale definitely doesn’t tell the whole story, it doesn’t lie either.
In Puerto Rico, I felt bloated and gross the whole time, and I wanted to wear the biggest, loosest clothing I had with me.
That’s not me. I don’t want to hide. (This is also the sentiment that sparked my weight loss six years ago.)
I’m accepting where I am right now, the choices I’ve made, and I’m moving on. To lots of kale.
Here’s to lots of kale for me too! And you look beautiful! <3
for what it’s worth, I think you look fantastic in that last picture in the blue dress! But of course its your perception and how you feel that counts the most. I agree about the scale…I don’t love it because it can get people so fixated on a number but when used properly, it is a good tool to stay on the straight and narrow or regroup when it’s only 10 easy-ish pounds to drop and not 20 or more that have snuck up. Good for you!
We have all been there before and I hate that you’re feeling this way. You looked radiant on Saturday night but it’s how you feel and think that is most important. We hop on the scale each Friday and it’s really helped since we started in January.
Hi Theodora! I’ve been a long time reader but have never posted a comment. I just want to say that you are truly an inspiration. I’m training for my first full marathon (I’ve done 4 halfs) and been trying to eat really well, but the scale keeps going up. But, all my clothes fit better and I’ve noticed my belly flab is decreasing. Good for you for accepting where you are! I think you look great. Here’s to more apples, more miles and less wine….okay, maybe not that last part! 🙂
I was where you are at mentally & physically 6 months ago, I had lost a ton of weight years back now and suddenly I realized that things weren’t fitting as well anymore and I just wasn’t happy with what I was seeing in the mirror anymore. I’ve noticed things have been clicking and weight is starting to melt off again in the last couple months and I tried on a winter coat this past weekend that was 3 inches from doing up at the start of January and it does right up now! My smallest jeans are only about an inch away from fitting again, so I’m ecstatic. Hasn’t been easy this round, but I’m starting to see that all the sweat and tears are becoming worth it. Happy Kale’ing!
YAY 🙂
it’s a journey and self-acceptance is often what makes it possible to keep moving forward. kale also helps. you got this. and, please keep the gratuitous photos of jillian michales coming!
It’s funny you say this because I’ve been having the exact same conversation with myself lately. I’m being recognized at an awards ceremony this Friday and all I kept thinking about was that I wish my arms were more toned and hoping that I wouldn’t be bloated for the evening. I then stopped and realized that it’s ok to be who I am regardless of the size of my arms. My accomplishments are something to celebrate and I won’t let body issues stop me from having a good time. I have to say that even though I just started my 30’s, it’s so much better than my 20’s! Body issues be damned, I’m going to life my life to the fullest!
By the way, I thought you looked absolutely beautiful for your Junior League event. The blue dress was amazing!
I feel you on so much of this post! I’ve needed to lose more than 10 lbs for a while, but with being relatively active I haven’t been as mindful of my eating. And I agree, I am also motivated by the scale number, and if that’s what it takes for me to eat better, so be it.
Been feeling the exact same way lately. I’ve been blaming the weather, but let’s be honest – I have been eating crappy and not working out consistently. BUT I need to also cool it with the internal hate talk. My natural reaction is to compare myself to how I looked a year ago and then despair over my difference in weight. So, so, so hard to change that!
I still think you’re beautiful 🙂 I have been comparing myself to past me, too…and trying to own the decisions that changed that, and get back to that past me.
I hear you! It’s such a huge accomplishment to not let it ruin your night, though… truly. You should celebrate that!
Any word on the NYCM yet today?! I got in and am SO excited. I WILL go under 4:00 this time around 🙂 I loved reading your journey when you did.
I finally got out of my scale denial about 6 weeks ago. I saw a number I hadn’t in a long time and hated feeling “puffy” all the time. Life has been great and fun and it was showing. I decided to rejoin weight watchers and happily am down about 10 pounds already. Almost at the weight when I was racing great. Since I am not in race training and basically just “working out” (so weird to not be focused on a race goal) I am interested to see where I can get my body. The scale is only one measure I am looking for bikini confident – at several bachelorette parties this spring!
“Life has been great and fun and it was showing.” << Same, same thing. I am so happy right now...but that's also involved many celebrations, and celebrations don't always include salad.
I totally understand that feeling. I once lost about 50 lbs and I’ve gone up and down by a few pounds since that weight-loss. Since September I myself wasn’t taking care of myself as I should, getting lazy with myself and over indulging on the stuff I should limit. I came into the new year not feeling so hot and then I went to Florida and my summer clothes did not fit like they use to and some I couldn’t fit into. It is disappointing but I think it is a matter of how you respond to that that really matters. I’ve cleaned up my eating habits and have stopped overindulging. I even gave into a beach-body challenge which was so hard to give into. So far I’m slowly getting back to where I would like to be and fitting back into my clothes again. Sometimes it is just about changing things up and conquering something new that will give you that glow and help you to feel better about yourself. For me is to take my focus from running all the time to getting stronger and strength training. It happens to the most of us but don’t let it get you down instead use it to motivate you to more great things.
That’s where I am right now, too. I’ve had a lot of upheaval in the past few months — work travel, a new job, move to a different city, etc etc, and I’m just off the bandwagon. To be fair, I’m trying hard to hop back on it — the diet is okay, minus some afternoon boredom snacking that I can’t seem to stop, the exercise stuff is a nightmare because I can’t seem to drag myself out of bed in the mornings. I’ve actually been avoiding the scale (still haven’t unpacked it, and I moved in November), but I need to face the music at some point soon. It’s nice to hear about other people going through the same thing.
I tend to think that things will get better in the spring (though I don’t actually think spring will ever come…)