Tonight, as I watched The Biggest Loser on the treadmill while doing a tempo run, I thought about pushing myself.
I think all the times I started down this path of healthy living before, I failed because of a self-fulfilling prophecy: I was afraid I would fail.
I was afraid I’d put in all that work and not be able to lose weight.
I was afraid I’d lose that first 10 or so pounds that’s pretty easy to drop when you start and not be able to go any further.
It wasn’t till I decided failure wasn’t an option that I succeeded. I started this blog. I went to a trainer who wouldn’t let me fail (even if pushing through those first few embarrassing workouts when I felt like I couldn’t do anything right felt like a failure.)
Pre-weight loss, I’d run three races, half-assing the training each time, subconsciously giving myself an out if I failed. “It’s okay–I didn’t really train for it.”
But now that I’m not quite as afraid of failure, now that I’ve accepted that taking risks always pays off, whether immediately or down the road as it teaches you something, I still find myself afraid to push myself. Especially in running. ESPECIALLY doing speed work.
[photo via Tina]
Those old days where I was afraid to push myself for fear of failing come flooding back when I try to push the speed. Even though I know I’ve lost a ton of weight, I still sometimes see myself as the overweight girl I used to be, who couldn’t run. I ran with Tina and Monica at Fitbloggin’, and I was terrified. They are fast! How was I going to keep up with them? Again, i didn’t give myself a chance to fail. I was going to run with them, and I was going to keep up. (And I did.)
It took five half-marathons for me to reach my sub-2:00 goal last year. The first half, I wanted it so badly, but I just wasn’t ready. I missed it by just under two minutes. The next two halfs,
I just couldn’t pull it together and try hard enough to do it. Katie even paced me for the More | Fitness Half, but I was afraid for her to see me try and fail, and I gave up pretty early in, before I could fail.
My point? Take a chance on yourself. You’re worth it, and I’m pretty sure you’ll surprise yourself. (Also, if you’re a runner, do the damn speed work. It helps. Sigh.)
What did you think you couldn’t do and found out you actually could when you just wouldn’t let yourself fail? Do you love to push yourself or does it scare you?
Or…what are you afraid of failing at?