My name is Theodora, and I am addicted to endorphins.
I exercise for myriad reasons, but a big reason is to manage stress and anxiety.Â I am calmer, happier and overall just a better person after I’ve exercised. (So, really, it’s a public service, too.)
I also exercise to push myself and find my limits, but I still always want exercise to be aÂ positive thing in my life.
The other day, I had a workout where I really wanted to cry and felt terrible about myself afterwards.
The scene: Veteran’s Day. 9am. CrossFit. The WOD: 7 rounds of 15 reps each of: box jumps, power cleansÂ and kettlebell swings. Checking the website the night before, it sounded fine, and I agreed to meet Alex there.
I still feel uncomfortable at CrossFit. I’m new. I don’t have a super hard body. I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing. But I showed up, and we split into groups of three for the workouts. It was me, Alex and some other lovely girl. The style of the workout was “follow the leader,” which meant that we weren’t done with one round untilÂ everyone was done.
So, for example, if Theodora is still finishing her power cleans and it’s taking her forever (purely hypothetically), then everyone else stands around and watches. I’d never done a power clean before Elements, and only in one class. I had no idea what the hell I was doing, so I was slow and my form must have been terrible. So, the instructor kept correcting my form. I knew she was helping, but I felt all eyes on me, and tears sprung to my eyes.
I contemplated dropping the bar, walking out the door and never returning. But I’m too stubborn, etc, to do that, and so I sucked it up and pushed through the rest of the workout, refusing to make eye contact withÂ anyone.Â Alex and I walked to work afterwards, and I was GRUMPY.
I haven’t yet been able to do any of the workouts at anywhere near prescribed weights, and IÂ still couldn’t do it right. That is incredibly frustrating and humbling, and I felt robbed of my endorphin high, and dropped the f bomb many many many times in the hour following the workout.
Yesterday, though, I got that endorphin high I’d been looking for. The New Balance folks were having a press launch for the Harley Pasternak Minimus 00 Trainer. Â (In total full-circleness, the first event I worked with NB at my last job was with Harley at the same place.)
I’ll be honestâ€”I wasn’t super crazy about the past versions of Harley’s shoesâ€”they all felt too bulky to me. But THESE? These are beautiful, and feel great, too. They have a 3mm drop with a little cushioning, and are designed for training and lifting and are also great for lateral movement. ALSO THEY ARE CAMO.
Harley put us through a circuit workout: one circuit on the Helix trainerÂ which is basically a crazy elliptical that goes sideways; one circuit doing core work; one circuit doing sprints, etc.
And just like that…all the endorphins came flooding back.
Tonight, I had an Uplift credit from bailing on a class AshleyÂ and I were going to take when she was in town, and I’m still feeling a wee bit down, so I knew I needed me some Chelsea and Sculpt Fusion.Â That class is just magic. It relaxes me, stretches me out, and makes me really freaking happy. Also, we have similar taste in music, so I love her playlists. Here’s tonight’s.
Why do you exercise? Do you get mad if you’re denied your endorphins?