My name is Theodora, and I am addicted to endorphins.

I exercise for myriad reasons, but a big reason is to manage stress and anxiety. I am calmer, happier and overall just a better person after I’ve exercised. (So, really, it’s a public service, too.)

I also exercise to push myself and find my limits, but I still always want exercise to be a positive thing in my life.

The other day, I had a workout where I really wanted to cry and felt terrible about myself afterwards.

The scene: Veteran’s Day. 9am. CrossFit. The WOD: 7 rounds of 15 reps each of: box jumps, power cleans and kettlebell swings. Checking the website the night before, it sounded fine, and I agreed to meet Alex there.

I still feel uncomfortable at CrossFit. I’m new. I don’t have a super hard body. I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing. But I showed up, and we split into groups of three for the workouts. It was me, Alex and some other lovely girl. The style of the workout was “follow the leader,” which meant that we weren’t done with one round until everyone was done.

So, for example, if Theodora is still finishing her power cleans and it’s taking her forever (purely hypothetically), then everyone else stands around and watches. I’d never done a power clean before Elements, and only in one class. I had no idea what the hell I was doing, so I was slow and my form must have been terrible. So, the instructor kept correcting my form. I knew she was helping, but I felt all eyes on me, and tears sprung to my eyes.

I contemplated dropping the bar, walking out the door and never returning. But I’m too stubborn, etc, to do that, and so I sucked it up and pushed through the rest of the workout, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. Alex and I walked to work afterwards, and I was GRUMPY.

I haven’t yet been able to do any of the workouts at anywhere near prescribed weights, and I still couldn’t do it right. That is incredibly frustrating and humbling, and I felt robbed of my endorphin high, and dropped the f bomb many many many times in the hour following the workout.

Yesterday, though, I got that endorphin high I’d been looking for. The New Balance folks were having a press launch for the Harley Pasternak Minimus 00 Trainer.  (In total full-circleness, the first event I worked with NB at my last job was with Harley at the same place.)

I’ll be honest—I wasn’t super crazy about the past versions of Harley’s shoes—they all felt too bulky to me. But THESE? These are beautiful, and feel great, too. They have a 3mm drop with a little cushioning, and are designed for training and lifting and are also great for lateral movement. ALSO THEY ARE CAMO.

Harley put us through a circuit workout: one circuit on the Helix trainer which is basically a crazy elliptical that goes sideways; one circuit doing core work; one circuit doing sprints, etc.

And just like that…all the endorphins came flooding back.

Tonight, I had an Uplift credit from bailing on a class Ashley and I were going to take when she was in town, and I’m still feeling a wee bit down, so I knew I needed me some Chelsea and Sculpt Fusion. That class is just magic. It relaxes me, stretches me out, and makes me really freaking happy. Also, we have similar taste in music, so I love her playlists. Here’s tonight’s.

Why do you exercise? Do you get mad if you’re denied your endorphins?

It’s rare for me to be rendered basically speechless, except in the presence of a really hot guy, but yesterday a workout did just that to me.

I had the opportunity to try the Mile High Run Club class yesterday, and DAMN. When I walked (stumbled? hobbled?) out of the studio, one of the staff members asked what I thought, and all I could say was “oh good lord.”

Finish Line was kind enough to invite me and a few colleagues to a class they were hosting with Mile High Run Club, and I showed up yesterday frankly a little terrified of what to expect. Would it be as hard as Barry’s? (Which, though I’m not really a fan of, it’s definitely a good workout.)

Photo: Mile High Run Club

I walked in to a mood-lit studio with about 20-30 Woodway treadmills with little kettlebell stations near each bank of treadmills.

Photo: Mile High Run Club

The 45-minute class started with a dynamic warm-up for 4 minutes: jumping jacks, star stretches (right hand to left foot and vice versa) and  high knees and maybe something else I don’t remember.

From there, we moved on to the meat of the class: the running. Yikes. I haven’t done speedwork in months, though I need to get back on that bandwagon. What’s cool about MHRC is that there’s two distinct levels, and ranges of speed within them. On the treadmill, there’s two pace card/charts: one for beginner/intermediate, and one for advanced/elite (that was also called “racers.”) I wanted to consider myself not on the beginner spectrum and am someone who races herself, so I wanted to follow the advanced card, just out of sheer stubbornness, but I think I ended up falling somewhere in between.

There’s 4 zones: 1 being a jog, 2 being a bit more like a tempo, 3 being about 85% effort, and 4 being all-freaking-out. I typically jog on a treadmill around 6.0, so I was tempted to start there, but when I realized that was just the base, I started at 5.0.

We jogged for about 3-4 minutes before starting the hard work: 2 3-minute hills. For the first hill, we ran at a 6% incline, then an 8% incline for the second hill. Hot damn.

After that, we came back down to 1% (where we stayed for the rest of the class), took a (not long enough!) bit to recover, and then did two 4-minute chunks of speed. I don’t remember exactly what the first one was, but for the second one, we started at jogging speed, and added 1 point every minute. I should have worked up to 9mph for the last minute, but I was a strugglebus and only made it to 8.5. You get a short recovery where I walked for a bit, and then you do strength.

WELL, I’M WARMED UP! We did kettlebells, some bodyweight work and then ended with a little core work with planks. Planks are never easy, but they were pretty much excruciating after 40-something minutes of hard work. AND THEN WE GOT TO STRETCH. THE BEST PART.

It is a really freaking hard workout and serious ass-kicking, so I think I’d definitely try it again though I’m not sure how regularly. There’s a number of treadmill classes popping up around town, and I want to try those, too. Treadmills suck, and this workout was harder than I’d ever push myself on the belt of doom, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Have you ever taken a treadmill class?