I admire Liv for her work ethic, for her output.
The frequency at which she blogs reminds me of the days when I used to do the same; I cared less about what people thought of each post. I want to get back to that; I want each post to be the best writing it can be. Both are not always possible, but Iâ€™m hoping to carve out some more time to blog; Iâ€™m beginning to get a better idea of stuff I want to pitch and stuff I want to share here.
This morning I want to talk about the idea of home.
On September 2, I left the home in NYC Iâ€™ve known for the past two-and-a-half years. Since then, Iâ€™ve stayed in four different places in California alone; I stayed in probably at least five or six places on my trip.
It was easy to say I felt at home on my trip; I was with my best friend, one of the people I feel the most comfortable with. But anywhere we stayed felt like home quickly, though perhaps I was too tired to think otherwise.
But Iâ€™ve been here in LA for almost two weeks, first in an Airbnb in Venice, then in Megâ€™s Airbnb for work in Pasadena and now in the place in Santa Monica Iâ€™ll be for the next month.
My place is a little dorm-y, for sure. I mean, hi, itâ€™s a short-term rental situation.Â
But for as sterile as it is (though Iâ€™ve incorporated some personal touches like hats and bags on the bookshelves to give it more personality), it also feels like home already.
Itâ€™s not where the apartment is (to be honest, I donâ€™t know if I *love* being in downtown Santa Monica, or even *need* to be that near everything), itâ€™s not what it looks likeâ€¦itâ€™s me.
Which is relieving and terrifying all at once. My old therapist kept saying, â€œwherever you go, there you areâ€ about me coming here.
And itâ€™s true; the good habits and coping skills Iâ€™d built and practiced in NYC came with me; so did the bad feelings.Â
But overall, I feel at homeâ€”even adjusting to driving again as a lifestyleâ€”more quickly than I would have expected, which may have to do with being pretty familiar with LA already before this.
But I feel at home with myself, mostly, so I can feel at home nearly wherever I am. If Iâ€™ve felt this before, it was certainly a long time ago. It feels good.
That saidâ€”I want to get on the next flight to NYC every bit as much as I want to keep exploring here. I am doing well here, but I miss my people at home a lot (like more than I can actually tell them so instead Iâ€™m writing it here?)